You may be wondering why the particular focus on pursuing our dreams as single women and the answer is simple. As single women, we are likely to inhibit our dreams and goals (whether knowingly or unknowingly), in a quest for marriage and a family of our own.
Do you agree with this? Your answer may be a yes, a no or a maybe. But before you answer, could you take a few moments to look back on your life and all the things you had hoped to do.
Could you honestly ask your self if you stalled on some of those dreams because you wanted to do them while married or with your husband?
I would be the first to tell you that looking back, I saw that there were a number of things I had held back on doing until after I got the ring. There was this sense that these dreams will be better achieved at that point in my lives.
But for those of us who are still single, even after many years of being ready for marriage. The question for us is: why are we still waiting?
Should single women pursue their dreams?
Here’s something interesting, I blog a lot about helping single women live intentional lives, yet when I wrote the post about pursuing our God-sized dreams, I failed to consider how this could possibly affect single women.
On further reflection, which included looking at my past decisions, I was once again reminded that vision and purpose are no simple matters for single women. Many times, we unintentionally use our marital status as a barrier to pursuing all God has called us to be.
We believe that the time is not right or that doing it at this time may fend off men that would want to marry us.
Case in point: I had wanted to pursue a doctorate degree a few years ago, and one of the things I remember was that this may make it more difficult to get married.
I had heard family and friends make general comments about women who were too educated and somehow, I had allowed these misconceptions and lies filter into my thoughts.
I even remember a friend once mentioned that some of her family members voiced a similar concern when she was thinking of doing a post-graduate degree.
And that’s not all, if you think about your life, you will probably recall many such moments where you or someone else “advised” you hold off on pursuing certain dreams including God-given dreams until you were married.
Our reasons for holding off on our dreams
I have listed a few of the reasons why we hold off on our dreams, some of them are things we believe, while some are things we have been told:
- We believe if we are busy pursuing our dreams and goals, we won’t have time to socialise or be found by men.
- If we pursue those dreams and end up being successful, we will scare the potential men. As they wouldn’t be able to handle our success or may feel emasculated.
- We may also believe that focusing on these dreams will also make people think we don’t want to get married.
- There is also that part of us that is not certain of our purpose and the things we should be doing. We may believe that as women, the most important thing we could ever do is get married and have children – obeying the command to ‘be fruitful and multiply’.
Truths to help us pursue our God-sized dreams
Here are some truths to debunk the above reasons:
- God has given every single one of us a purpose and this is independent of any other person. We need to find this and live it in spite of our marital status.
“He has saved us and called us to a holy life- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.”
2 Timothy 1:9
- It is only God that can complete us and make us whole. He is the one that knows the desires of our heart and will give us the things he knows we need.
“For my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
- You have just one life to live and if you make it subject to what others think and say, you may find yourself never being true to yourself and who God called you to be.
“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.”
- This is perhaps the hardest truth but probably the most important. We need to realise that there is every possibility we may never get married or we may marry in old age. What happens then? Do we continue to hold off for something that may never happen?
“Many are the plans in a man’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
Do more with your life
You’re probably wondering where all of this is leading to, here it is:
I want to challenge you to do more.
To live the life God has given you, boldly and without reservations. If he has told you to do it then don’t wait another second, start now! He has already provided all you need.
More than that, pursuing and achieving this dream will not stop you from getting married if that is God plan for you. No, it will rather provide the groundwork to meet and marry the right man.
Think about it, if you were holding off on doing certain things until you got married so as not to scare the man, why do you think things will be okay when you’re married?
A man who is scared of your success, your confidence and your dedication to the things of God is unlikely to change when you’re married. You may find that you would still be living in the shadows unable to bloom because of his insecurities and fears.
And where you choose to pursue these dreams in spite of his feelings about it, this may lead to a break up of the marriage.
Sounds dire but it is so true and something I have heard and seen in marriages.
My dear friend, I pray this post encourages you to step out in faith and do the things God has called you to do. Don’t let your fears and reservations hinder his blessings over your life.
Live to enjoy this one life you have and never forget that you’re dearly loved.