Are you content? Are you really happy or do you find it hard to live as a single woman?
You may have been waiting to get married and as the years have gone by so have your joy and peace. Maybe now, all you hear is the constant ticking of your biological clock and the fact that everyone else has settled down.
You’re probably trying to remain calm, trying to not let it get to you but it does, it really does. You want to believe there is more to life, that life can still be beautiful but at those moments, it can be difficult.
Dear friend, I need you to know that you are not alone in this. We have to remind ourselves that the Lord knows all things, sees all things and is aware of our heart’s desires.
But it doesn’t stop there, I’ve seen a lot of women not really grow into themselves and live abundantly because they didn’t want to do ‘too much’ on their own before marriage. For those who marry later in life, they may find that they never truly lived and missed out on so many opportunities to live an amazing life.
Well, I definitely don’t want that to be our story. If you haven’t been living your life as you know you should, here’s a chance to do it differently. It is time we learnt how to be happy as a single woman
5 ways to be happy as a single woman
These five ways will help us build joy, be happy and find contentment.
Know your purpose
You have probably wondered why you were created and why now. It is one of those questions that have caused a few sleepless nights. For most of us, it is something that we have tried to understand for years.
“More men fail through lack of purpose than lack of talent.”
I believe that until we are working in purpose, we can’t be fulfilled. The purpose here relates to what God has put in the heart of his children.
I believe our purpose on earth is two fold; each one of us has a paramount purpose and an individual purpose. The paramount purpose is the same for all of us. It is to:
- Love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and mind.
- And to love our neighbours as ourselves
(Matthew 22: 37-40, paraphrased)
The individual purpose is tied to our paramount purpose and it’s all about how we live out our paramount purpose with the skills and gifts God has given us. This means the individual purpose is unique to who we are and what we do. No two people have the same purpose.
If you have ever been worried about what you’re to do and how you are to it, I need you to know that God is ever willing to reveal this to you through the Holy Spirit.
“and whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”
Knowing and living in purpose will mean a lot of things for us, it may require changes in the way we live, in our relationships, career and principles. In our search for purpose, let us also remember to ask for the wisdom and strength to do the will of God, even when it is hard.
Grow a tough skin
Life is not perfect and can never be. There will always be the moments of pain, people will hurt you whether intentionally or unintentionally, many times they will say the wrong things and do the opposite of what they should.
We need to remember this and be fine with it, especially when you realise it could also be you doing the very things you don’t want to do.
More than that, we need to protect our heart and the things that we allow get to us. I know this wouldn’t be easy, it’s a process and may take a while.
We can start be considering the sort of friends we keep, the places we go to and the information we accept and act on.
If you are always around negative people or friends that don’t support you or are constantly comparing you to others, that’s a toxic atmosphere and is sure to affect your peace and joy.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Whose truth do you accept? God’s or the worlds? Many times, we unconsciously choose the world’s definition of who we are. This may mean we accept their definition of body image, on relationships, on success (career or financial) and even on life.
But that’s the wrong benchmark to use.
The Bible tells us that we are a new creation, fearfully and wonderfully made and of course, daughters of the most-high. We need to revel in these. To remember most of all that we matter to God and neither death nor life can separate us from his love. Romans 8:38
Be intentional about finding joy and happiness
Joy is about true and lasting satisfaction. It goes beyond being happy, it’s about contentment and fulfilment in spite of what we are going through.
Part of finding joy is cultivating a balanced life, a life of work and play. And doing those things that make your heart swell with gladness. Joy is a permanent state of being, while happiness is more temporary. Our happiness relates to our day to day decisions.
Have you been hoping to travel? then do it! Do you want to go on a retreat, spend time with friends(link to post about fun things)? Do it!
I will, of course, add that as Christians, we are not called to have fun the way the world sees it, which is usually characterised by getting drunk, promiscuity, doing drugs or indulging in harmful habits.
That’s not our style.
I definitely want more real and edifying fun in my life. The kind that will not leave us with regret and sorrow but with a massive smile on our faces, days after.
Seize each day (Carpe Diem)
Carpe Diem is a popular philosophical motto coined by Horace (a Roman poet, more than 2000 years ago). I Look at it as a reminder to make the most of our time by defining who we are, what makes us tick and the best way to spend that time.
This means taking advantage of our opportunities, saying no to distractions and not dwelling on our mistakes.
“Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
The biggest part of seizing each day lies in our choices.
According to Joyce Meyer, many people are not happy with the way their lives turned out but if we look closer, we will find that “their poor choices are behind their dissatisfaction. The problem is that unless they realize that, take responsibility for it, and make positive changes, they are stuck in a situation that will not ever change.”
Love freely and give bountifully
When we love without expectations or conditions, we are living in freedom. Do you know why? Because love is a choice. We can choose to love even when it hurts, even when the world is telling us not to. God set the perfect example when he loved us even while we were sinners.
When we love in this manner, we lighten our burden because we wouldn’t be plagued by regret, pain, envy, jealousy or covetousness.
It is our way of being content notwithstanding our status and circumstances of life.
A huge part of that love is in giving. Giving of our time, and our resources.
“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”
Research has also shown that giving makes us happy, promotes good health and social connections. A study by James Fowler of the University of California(San Diego) also found that giving spurs others to also give, which is fantastic.
How to be happy as a single woman
I have often heard people describe singleness as a transition period or a season of life. I don’t agree with these descriptions as I believe there are not only dangerous but contrary to the word.
People may have used these words with good intentions; may be as a way to encourage single women who are anxious about getting married. But I believe it is more likely to do the opposite.
Some single women may choose not to really live since they are merely in transition (a short period) and can finally live their lives when they get married. For a 22-year-old who gets married at 26, this may not be as bad but what happens to the single woman in her 30’s, 40’s and 50’s who have been waiting for the transition to end?
Dear Sis, if nothing else, I need you to remember that you are the author of your happiness. We determine the effect our status will have on our lives. This is not restricted to our marital status but includes all the different aspects of our lives.
This also means that we don’t downplay God’s role in giving us joy that overflows and making us content and happy, in spite of our circumstances.