Learning to accept our flaws and imperfections

I have a confession; I want to be perfect. No, not God perfect. I want to be the best version of myself. The prettiest, smartest, kindest woman I can be. But I’m often faced with a reality that is far from my expectations.

I’m faced with days where I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, days where I wonder at how quickly I forget things and days where I treat those I love, abominably.

How about you? Do you have those moments where your current circumstances, relationships and life issues make you feel like you’re less than you could have been? Where all you see are your weak points, your imperfections and flaws?

If you’re anything like me, then you probably have more of those days than you’d like.

It’s even worse when you think you have outgrown these things, both physically and spiritually. For me, a recent incident had me spirally back to my teen years, a time where I was more concerned about what others thought of me and said about me.

I realised that the fear of recriminations and negative talk made me hide. I felt I wouldn’t be able to handle it so I hid this person I had become, and hoped that things would go back to normal as quickly as possible.

But, what I had hoped will take a few weeks turned into a month and now, it’s been a few months.

It was at this point that I realised I had been going about it the wrong way.

Sometimes, we are so caught up in ourselves and our emotions that we fail to see what the Holy Spirit is telling us.

This was what happened to me, I had forgotten something important and very  simple; it’s not about me, it’s about Him.

Why is it so hard to accept our flaws and imperfections?

The quick answer goes back to our longing to be perfect. To have it all. But it’s more than that. That longing is infused by so many factors and issues. From childhood experiences to our environment, friends, family and even society at large.

There are all these forces tilting our image and perception of ourselves and many times, if not all the time, they are in direct opposite of what God has said about us.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Psalm 139:14.

The truth is that during those moments when we feel like we are sorely lacking, it’s so hard to accept what the Bible has said about us.

For me, I wanted to believe the Bible but my face was telling me different, my bank account sang a different tune and my relationships remained in stifling comas.

I felt so helpless to change these and found that I was losing sight of my identity and worth as God’s child.

Who we want to be?

“Who do you want to be?” That was the million dollar question most of us were asked growing up.

At different points, I had wanted to be a doctor, a pilot and an actress. My 15-year-old self must have believed each of these roles would lead to a happy life.

But beyond our careers, there were other things we may have wanted to do or achieve. I had taken it for granted that by now I would be happily married with a few little ones, I had also expected that I would still be pretty, slim enough, confident and an amazing daughter and friend.

But my reality is different from what I had imagined.

I had imagined that while life would not always be seamless, that somehow, I would always come out victorious. I should also state here that I had a different idea of what victory meant. For me, it was about being unscathed and moving on to the next battle.

But that’s not really how victory works. Sometimes, our victory is messy, it’s achieved in pain and sorrow.

Here’s what Apostle Paul says:

“Three times I pleaded with the lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…”

2 Corinthians 12:8-9

I love this scripture because it gives me solace. It shows that sometimes conquering is not the absence of flaws or imperfections but rather it’s about gaining the strength to live through them.

But it also scares me, because it means that there are times when God calls us to live with that burden, that pain and that scar. Will we be ready for that?

How I learnt to accept my flaws and imperfections

There is one thing that I have learnt over the years and continually hold on to and that is: ‘there is a reason for everything’. With the constant chaos that can sometimes be my reality, it is great to remember this but more importantly, it is better to know that reason and work with it.

I had mentioned that a recent incident had affected my confidence and had me living a life of ‘less’ these last few months until I decided to turn the focus from myself to God.

I finally realised that what I was going through wasn’t just about me. That there was a lesson in there and if I missed it then I was letting God down and not passing a message which he had clearly put in my path.

My message is simple: don’t let your imperfections or flaws define you. Don’t!

You probably know these things, maybe like me, you used to remind yourself that you matter but then it’s hard to live in that freedom. It’s hard to remain confident when your body, your mind and everything else is letting you down.

Here are a few truths I had to say to myself:

1. ‘Hey Sis, guess what? You’re not perfect and you will never be.

It actually felt good to write that. To remind myself that I will never be perfect, even if my quest is to be the best version of myself.

2. Your worth is not determined by what you or others say about you

Here is another constant in life; people will say hurtful things whether they mean it or not.

They will offer unsolicited advice, point out your flaws and imperfections and will generally make you feel like you’re nothing. Sometimes, we are the head of these ‘negative talk team’.

We are quick to point out and criticise ourselves. We are our worst critics and not in a good way. Well, we not only have to stop the negative self-talk but also discount what others say that is not lin line with God’s word.

I am:

Fearfully + wonderfully made = Beautiful

We are beautiful, whether we like it or not. It’s about time we accept this truth and move on.

3. Stop focusing on yourself

Focusing on me meant that it was hard to see beyond my issues and problems. It was hard to consider the big picture and my role within it. Are you struggling with similar issues? Please say these out loud:

I am more than my flaws

I am more than my imperfections

I am more than my strengths.

 

4. Be Confident in the one who knows you best

The Lord said to me,

“…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

What faith and confidence in the Most-High! In that scripture, Apostle Paul shared his struggles with a weakness (imperfection) and God’s response to his request for wholeness.

God knows why you have those ‘flaws and imperfections’ trust him to do his will and you will be amazed because one thing I’m certain of is that it will work for our good.

5. Embrace gratitude

Always be grateful for what you do have, for the blessings, the joy and the provisions. Our default human trait is to focus on the 1 negative and forget the 101 positives. You know that feeling when you get 10 compliments and one criticism and you latch onto the latter forgetting all the nice things that had been said.

Well, you can’t be that way. I had to keep a record of all the great things God has done for me. A list of my small and big wins and these helped.

 

My path to freedom

I learnt through my experience that I had to work on my thoughts and the things I was holding unto. I had to let go of the world’s labels, of the feelings of not being good enough and rather hold fast to God’s inexpressible love for me and his desire to see me live a purposeful life.

This gave me the strength to do the things I wanted to do without focusing on the things that weren’t going well.

Dear Sis, I need you to realise you’re not alone in this, no matter how bad things may seem. Maybe your own imperfections are physical and are things the whole world can see and you feel judged the minute you walk out your front door.

But I need you to remember that what they say or even think will not hurt you or define you unless you accept and believe it.

We have to grow a tough skin and shrug it off. I know it wouldn’t be easy but it will definitely be worth it. If nothing else, I need you to remember that we have what it takes to live in freedom away from the burdens of our flaws and imperfections.

 

I hope you’ve been encouraged. Please reach out to me if you would like to talk or pray about what you’re going through.