Four Valentine’s Day truths for single women

Valentine’s Day is one of those days when we are caught in a web of hope and emptiness. A hope for love and romance, and an inescapable emptiness when we don’t get it.

There are times when we act like it means nothing but there is usually that niggling reminder that we would rather be in a relationship and share the day with someone, even when we know they are not the right one for us.

Is that the case for you?

Are you so tired of being single that you’d rather be in a relationship, especially when those ‘relationship-invoking days’ come along – Christmas, New Year, your birthday, and of course Valentine’s Day?

You probably are, and you’re not alone.

But I believe it’s time we start to reframe our minds about days and seasons like this.

It’s time we remind ourselves, not of what the world says, but what God says.

If you’re ready, then check out these four truths to remember as a single woman on Valentine’s Day (many of these are applicable to any other day in the year).

The four truths to remember in our search for love 

Even as we navigate life as single women, I pray you to remember these four things to refocus your mind and heart on the things that matter.

1. Know your worth 

In a world that defines singleness in unflattering terms, it can be easy to allow these definitions to determine our worth and significance. Unfortunately, some of these lies have also filtered into the church.

But here is an incontrovertible truth: you are enough! Not because of your physical appearance, your intellect, your virginity, your bank account, the church you attend, or even your life but because of the God who told us on the cross that ‘it is finished’.

He gave us a new identity and a rebirth and there’s nothing anyone can do about this. They may question you, ridicule you, or scare you into something you’re not but I need you to remember that you are enough. You are the daughter of the Most-High God and you matter to him.

Never forget that!

“He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal of the Holy Spirit.”

Titus 3:5

 

2. Don’t wait, live 

You’ve probably heard this quote that ‘he who finds a wife, finds a good thing’ Proverbs 18:22 

And it’s true!

But somehow, this has been turned into a waiting game where Christian women wait aimlessly for the men to find us.

Being found doesn’t mean you should put your life on hold, or you should be like someone else. It is not a stationary state if so, the phrase would have been changed to ‘being seen’.

The idea of searching presupposes that you are actually living life. 

Now, I’m not saying living intentionally will ensure you are found and that you get married. Not at all. I am advocating that you live your life regardless of whether there is a man searching for you or not. God didn’t promise us marriage but he did say his plans for us are for good and will not harm us but give us a future and hope. Jeremiah 29:11

A blogger friend, Summer, shares a candid post about being a single woman in living and not in waiting. I hope you get to read it and are encouraged.

3. It’s not about one day or a season

I believe that Valentine’s Day has probably caused more harm than good and has led to more people losing their virginity or having unplanned sexual intercourse than any other day in the year.

You may agree with me but the question is why? Why have so many people decided to settle for less than they are worth just to be amongst the “chosen” ones? Especially Christian men and women who should know better.

Why are we being led by the world rather than setting the standards? 

I remember getting asked every Valentine’s Day if I had someone or I was expecting anything. I would usually respond with a quick no. However, one particular year, I received quite a few gifts and this made me popular. I briefly enjoyed the attention but was soon uneasy because I knew I wouldn’t be dating either of these men yet to my friends and colleagues, all that mattered were the gifts.

From the outside, I was in an enviable position with gorgeous bouquets of roses, chocolates, and other trinkets, but I knew it was anything but.

I realized that getting gifts for the sake of it left me hollow. It wasn’t enough.

These days, we surreptitiously praise women with suitors not caring the sort of men these suitors are and ignore the women who have none, even if they had decided against dating the wrong men. 

For me, I had allowed the ‘inconsequential’ gifts to distract me from more important things. What if these men had insisted on dinner or some other outing and I ended up doing what I shouldn’t have? That would have been the biggest regret.

Ladies, I share this story to remind you that Valentine’s Day is just one day. Let us not allow the world’s pressures and expectations to distract from the thing that truly matters — God’s best for us.

Neither should we focus or compare our lives with those on social media who seem to have it all. Nothing is ever as it seems. You may realize this too late and it may be too late to turn things around.

4. The trials won’t stop with marriage 

Here’s another incontrovertible truth: trials and tribulations are a big part of our Christian life.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

James 1:2-4

This means that things will not be perfect once you start dating or get married.

Au contraire!

The devil will only be waiting to pounce on this new chapter of our lives. This also means that if we entered into dating, courtship, or marriage for the wrong reasons then it will be more difficult to triumph.

We have to realize that marriage:

• will not complete us.

• will not make our problems go away.

• is merely another chapter of our lives.

• will not turn men into superheroes or gods but just another human living an imperfect life with God’s help.

• was a gift to mankind for the glorification of God and the propagation of his kingdom.

• is about selfless service and pure love.

You have the power to redefine your need 

Dear friend, I truly believe you have the power to change what Valentine’s Day and all the other days mean to you. You can choose to use it as another day to be kind, to be supportive, to be selfless, and more so, to live boldly for our king.

“Do everything in love.”

1 Corinthians 16:14

Maybe you know other ladies who struggle during this season, I pray you’re there for them. Encourage them and remind them of these truths.

You may also choose to have fun with your friends. Here are 20 fun things you can all do. 

At the end of the day, remember you have the choice and this can never be taken from you. You matter to God and you are enough.

 

 

I know I have said a lot to you today but these were things I needed to tell you. I wish we could have these conversations, more often, and over a cup of tea (or coffee for you), but let’s imagine it’s so.

Keep shining his Light. You are dearly loved.