Can God send us the wrong man?

 

If you have ever experienced an intense breakup and deep hurt from a relationship, then you may have asked yourself the above question.

I know I have.

And at first, it was hard to believe that person could have been from God if things ended the way they did, right?

If this has been on your heart or it is just something you want to understand, please read on.

In a recent IG post, I shared the below quote:

A relationship sent from God can steal your joy, disrupt your peace, and increase your fears if it is not rightly discerned and received.

This was borne after I read an IG post where the author surmised that if something is from God, then it will bring peace, calm, and a few other nice-sounding things. At first, I was going to read and move on, but I felt a stirring in my spirit to do more.

I felt the need to share what the Lord has been teaching me about the nature of his blessings and our ability to receive them.

The idea that what God brings will translate as the author said sounds biblical and right, but I believe there is a proviso to this that must be included.

I say this as one who used to voice similar thoughts. I believed that if something is from God, then it should not be hard or difficult.

But I have since learned that I was often confusing two different things:

A godly perception of ease vs a human perception of ease.

 

What is godly ease in a relationship?

A godly perception of ease is not the absence of problems or difficulties but the presence of the Holy Spirit at work in us and in the situation. Our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, calls us to lay down our way and take up His.

Here are a few scriptures that capture this:

Therefore, do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ for all these things the Gentiles seek. For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

Matthew 6:31-33

 

Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest from your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

 

For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.”

Luke 9:24

 

The human perception of ease

Human perception of ease is a life without problems. A life where things work out.

This becomes worse or conflated when we have a pseudo-godly perception of ease, which is where we believe if we have been good, then only good things should come to us.

For instance, we may believe:

“I have been a good Christian girl! I have abstained from sex, I wear modest clothes, take care of myself and help out in my community, so when God brings the man – he will be a great man, and we will live a happy and beautiful Christian marriage.”

Have you ever felt this way?

If you are anything like me, the thought may have crossed your mind a time or two.

But God never promised us an easy or problem-free life, yet we keep expecting this.

I believe a part of our psyche continues to fall for the “perfect man” daydream.

Yes, there are amazing Christian men out there. But they are also imperfect, on the journey of growth and refinement as each of us. A journey that requires a daily dying to self and flesh.

I have learned that, for our future marriage, it’s critical to know what we heard from God. We have to ask:

DID GOD SEND THIS MAN YOUR WAY FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?

DID GOD EVEN SEND HIM AT ALL?

If he is indeed from God, then, you have passed the first step – by building on the right foundation. But it doesn’t stop there.

 

If it did, then we would have more blissful kingdom marriages.

I have, however, learned that, like anything that comes from our Heavenly Father, it is subject to abuse and misuse when it gets to us.

Do we think the devil will stand by and let God’s people get their prayers answered?

Nope!

I believe he will find ways to disrupt and damage such relationships. And you know why this happens?

One reason is because of our silent human enemy, our ego.

In Part 2 of this post, I will share how our ego(pride) affects our relationships. I will also share three other reasons that affect godly relationships, even when both parties have heard from God.