Why Living an Others-First Kind of Life Can Be Dangerous

I think many of us were trained to admire people who live for others. The ones who serve tirelessly, who never seem to think of themselves, who are always available when needed. It looks noble. It looks godly. And in many ways, it’s not.

In Luke 10, Jesus gives us a shocking reminder that not all service is obedience.

The story of Martha and Mary is one I often come back to with some level of awe and reverence. it is such a deep and liberating story, but one we often gloss over.

Jesus did not just shake the table of what was a well-known Jewish tradition of hospitality, He shattered it. He showed that there is just one thing that we must choose at all times.

Martha opened her home to Jesus and did everything she could to make Him comfortable.

She worked hard.

She was attentive.

She embodied what many of us would call “great hosting.” Yet, when she asked Jesus to correct Mary for not helping, His response was unexpected:

“Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:41–42

 

The One Thing that Matters Most

Some translations use the phrase “the one thing.” That is significant. Jesus is not saying Mary’s choice was simply “better” than Martha’s. He is saying Mary chose the only thing that truly matters.

This is Matthew 6:33 in living color:

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Martha’s way looked godly, but Mary’s way was Spirit-led. And that is the distinction. No matter how noble, generous, or well-regarded something may appear, if God is not in it, it is not obedience.

 

The Danger of an Others-First Life

This is why living an “others-first” life can be dangerous. Because without the leading of the Holy Spirit, we risk:

1. Pleasing people instead of God.
   Paul warned about this in Galatians 1:10: “If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Martha’s busyness looked like service, but her heart was anxious, pulled in many directions, and centered on human expectations.
2. Doing what is applauded but not what is required.
   Service often gets celebrated, while stillness is misunderstood. But Jesus makes it clear: sitting at His feet is not laziness, it’s alignment. It’s where we learn His will so that when we do act, we act in His way.
3. Missing the Father’s heart.
   Paul told the Philippians to look to the interests of others and modeled becoming all things to all people. Yet when Peter gave in to the pressure of others in Galatians 2, Paul publicly rebuked him, because the truth of the gospel was at stake. Serving people at the expense of God’s truth is not love; it’s compromise.
4. Judging others for not following through

Another thing from the story in Luke 10 was that Martha judged her sister for not following suit. She believed that her path was better, more virtuous. And that’s dangerous. We all have (or should cultivate) our individual walk with God, which means that while He may be calling one to one thing, He may be calling another to something else. Which means it is not for us to dictate what each person should do, unless we are led so to do.

 

Called to the Mary Way

It’s important to see this: Jesus did not dismiss Martha’s heart. He redirected it. He invited her to the one thing.

And that’s the invitation for us, too. To live in such intimacy with the Father that our service flows from His Spirit, not from pressure, performance, or people-pleasing.

The Mary way is not passive. It is preparatory. It is at His feet that we learn His heart, so that our lives and actions reflect Him rather than our own ideas of goodness.

 

A Word for Us Today

In a world that praises busyness and outward service, Jesus is still calling His daughters to choose the one thing. To be Spirit-led in every act of service, every yes, and even every no.

Because here is the truth:

• Saying yes when God says no is disobedience, no matter how good it looks.
• Sitting when God says sit is as holy as going when God says go.
• Only the Spirit can show us which is which.

Closing Thought

Living an others-first life sounds noble. But unless it is rooted in the Spirit and aligned with the Father’s heart, it can quietly become dangerous. The world may applaud it, but heaven may not.

So let’s choose the Mary way. Let’s sit first, listen first, and obey first. Because in the end, there is only one thing that matters: doing life God’s way.

A Prayer to Choose the One Thing

Lord, thank You for reminding me that only one thing is truly necessary: to sit at Your feet and learn Your heart.
Forgive me for the times I’ve been more concerned with pleasing people than obeying You.
Teach me to recognize Your voice above every other voice.
Help me to say yes when You say yes, and no when You say no, no matter how it looks to others.
May my life and service flow from intimacy with You, not from striving or pressure.
Today, I choose the Mary way: to seek You first, listen to You first, and obey You first.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.