How to overcome the pressure to say yes to the wrong relationships

I recently watched an episode of a series where the protagonist, a 30-something single woman, was caught in a tide many of us have fallen into, at one time or the other.

In her case, her boyfriend, of a few months, had just proposed to her, and while she knew deep down that she didn’t want to marry him, and was not really in love with him, she said yes.

She said yes because everyone had told her how great he was, and how lucky she was to land such a catch. More so, she said yes because she didn’t want to disappoint him, and a part of her wondered if this would be her last shot at marriage.

Suffice to say, they did get married but got a divorce shortly after, as she realized that her reasons for saying yes were not enough to hold the marriage together.

You may rightly state that this was a Hollywood show and we shouldn’t place much stock in it. And I would understand. After all, Hollywood dramas are known for their ‘dramas.’

But the fact remains that this is a daily occurrence.

If you looked back on your life, you may find times you said yes to a relationship out of pity, because of what people will say, or a fear that no one else would want you.

I know I was guilty of this.

I kept a relationship going because I felt bad, I even got intimate with my then-boyfriend out of pity, and his skillful passive-aggressive behavior.

The above Hollywood series reminded me of how this deeply ingrained mix of fear, shame, and pressure has pushed so many of us into relationships and marriages we had no business in.

I realized that it wasn’t a problem only women in a certain locality suffered but something that cuts across race, tribe, status, and even age.

We say yes when we mean no, and fearfully hope for the best. Building expectations that never quite pan out and often leave us frustrated, resentful, and unhappy.

 

The million-Dollar question

And my question to you, this lovely day, is simply this:

Are you saying yes, when you should be saying no — Are you allowing your fear of what people will say, dictate what you should do?

You may have noticed that our proclivity to say yes is not restricted to our relationships, it’s a burden we experience in almost every sphere of life. From our interactions at work to those at church, and with others. We often people please and do things for the optics – how they seem.

Thereby choosing the temporary relief our ‘yes’ elicits and ignoring the long-term, and sometimes permanent consequences that arise.

 

The Way out!

There is no doubt that we need to address this malaise.

There are many Bible verses that encourage us to ‘Fear not’, and to seek God’s way rather than man’s way.

Psalm 27:2 says:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

 

2 Tim 1:7 also reminds us that:

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

II Timothy 1:7 NKJV

 

And the truth is that it takes divine courage to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong ones.

For one thing, it is only through God’s revelation power that we know and understands what matters in every season of our lives.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.”

Psalm 32:8

Our ability to say no cannot be achieved through self-will. If you’ve tried this in the past, then you know it is a losing battle.

I remember when I was in my early 20’s, before the aforementioned relationship, I believed I was iron-clad. I believed I could say no to any guy and wouldn’t fall for crap like I had seen happen to many girls I knew. But, soon enough, I  had fallen down my proverbial high horse, with my mouth filled with humble pie.

I realized that trusting in my abilities was a losing battle as my emotions and desires were prickly things that were all too happy to lead me astray.

I also realized that in these sorts of situations, it’s easy to believe there’s no hope, and there’s not much that can be done. But I believe it is never too late to seek the strength and revelation of God. For some, he may give you the grace and strength to remain and for others, it will be the grace to say no.

And we can only know what to do when we ask for His help.

So, are you ready to make this lifelong decision?

What is your story?

Are you about to get into a relationship or about to get married?

Ask yourself why and be clear about your answer.

Pray for God to reveal if you are doing it for the wrong reasons, and more importantly if this is the person, he wants for you.

Sis, I know this exercise will not be easy. If anything, it will break you in some ways. But trust God to not only heal your heart but to make you stronger than ever before.

 

Conclusion

For more on this, and to learn from the story of another lady who said yes when she should have said no, then please check out The Naive Wife by Ufuomaee. It’s such a timely book for single ladies and engaged couples.

In all this, I pray that God will give us the strength to continually seek His will in all things.

Amen