Where are all the “good” single Christian men?
Seriously, where are all the men who love the Lord and are committed to serving Him?
Where are they hiding?
Do they even exist or have we single Christian women been sold a load of hogwash?
If you have been in the midst of other single Christian ladies then you’ve probably heard similar statements. You may have offered a few of these yourself.
The other day, while in a meeting with two lovely ladies, one of them raised the fact that, in the church, there has been an imbalance in the quality of single ladies compared to single men. When she said this, I felt a ping go off in my mind. She had definitely hit a proverbial nail on the head.
This wise lady went on to explain that this imbalance was also because, for a long time, there had been unequal power dynamics between men and women, which usually left women more vulnerable in marriages and relationships.
This birthed many programs and events focused on building, strengthening, and inspiring women and invariably led to many amazing single Christian women, and probably not as many great single Christian men.
Do you agree?
It definitely left me with something to ponder.
I know that in some of my Christian circles, we have ascribed the lack of ‘quality’ men to the patriarchy and the impact of cultural influences in the church.
But is this the full story?
Do each of us not know at least one good single Christian guy?
Who is a Good Christian man?
While I could see a lot of truth in what that lady said, I also could not ignore my own personal experiences. I have seen and met some amazing guys who I now call friends and brothers.
Could it be that there are ‘good’ Christian men out there but we are just not noticing them?
The quotation marks around ‘good’ signify that this is relative. What is good in one context may not apply in another.
Perhaps, the problem is one of presentation. Maybe a lot of these men are lacking in certain areas that matter, I have heard a few ladies describe some of the Christian men I know as:
- Boring
- Too spiritual
- Poor hygiene (doesn’t dress well, BO, etc.)
- Not attractive, and
- Struggling financially
It didn’t take me long to notice a pattern. The pattern was simple – what many of us really wanted were the bad “good” Christian men. ?
Let me explain, we want men who are:
- Handsome
- Intellectual/ambitious
- Rich/comfortable
- Christian feminists
- have swag (dresses well, speaks well, has a killer sense of humor, etc.)
and of course, to crown it all…he must LOVE the Lord.??
You know how Hollywood movies would portray ‘the bad boy with a heart of gold’…the Damon Salvatores of this world.
Yep! That’s what some of us want.
We want the total package.
The man who will tick all the boxes. And as you can imagine, the pool for these sorts of men is so small it’s almost non-existent.
This probably explains why we continually wonder where the ‘good’ single men are because the kind of men we are looking for are few and far between.
In all things, we seem to also take certain things for granted, for instance, are we ‘good’ single Christian women?
More importantly, have we become so caught up in this search for a mate that we have reduced our interactions with the opposite sex to their suitability as husband material?
I pray not!
The difference between Good and Better
So, where does that leave us?
I think this leaves us with a lot to ponder.
We need to check our hearts and our desires – whose definition of good are we adhering to God’s, the world’s,’ or our own version?
It’s so easy to justify our wants and tell ourselves our expectations are valid.
But dying to self(see Matthew 16:24-25) means that we must trust in the God who knows us better than we could ever know ourselves.
It means looking out for things that really matter.
Yes, you may be worried that who God may want for you may not be attractive or you may not have any romantic connection with them. But that’s not true.
Romance and attraction can grow, if he is God’s will for you.
More so, our God is romantic, if he is leading you to someone, trust that he will help you build love and friendship.
What do you think? Do you agree?
Please share your thoughts in the comments.
This is so apt. I’m sharing to all my single female friends. Thanks a lot.
Thank you so much, Pastor Ebe. I pray they find it helpful. ????
I guess I’m not understanding the lesson in this article. Should Christian women be with men they think are boring or unattractive, simply because they have good character? Just because two people are Christians doesn’t mean that their personalities connect or that they should be together. I understand that we shouldn’t go by looks alone, but i think it will create problems of either partner is not attracted to or connected to the other. Just my two cents.
Well,I can relate.I am a single christian female who is experienced in this area . I was also asking myself this same question until I personally began to study the church brothers .The truth is that many of the christian brothers who appear to be “good” but with mouth odor,body odor, illiteracy etc. appear to be good because they seem to be more p Godly because they are looking for financial breakthrough, not necessarily because they genuinely love Godfrom the bottom of their hearts. They are not necessarily good guys, they do this for their selfish interest . You can never know the true nature of a man until he has money and power. Many of those so called good guys with body and mouth odor etc change to bad as soon as they get the breakthrough they are looking for from God. I personally know some. Also, men are generally more humble when they do not have money and power. Please do not be deceived by the present humility of those so called good guys you see in church. Many of them change when God starts to bless them. My advice to single christian women is to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the true nature or identity of any man interested in them, this is the only way you can truly know who a man is. Do not be carried away by any so called good man’s church activities or present humility. There are many Judases in church. Also, do not limit your search for a husband to only guys in the church work force. There are some men with good hearts that might not be workers in church due to ignorance.I also don’t believe God will want you to marry a man whose company you do not enjoy. Can two walk together unless they agree?In all, ask God to help you reveal the true identity of any man interested in you and He will do it.
Hi Rose, thank you for your comment. You touched on something key – the role and power of the HolySpirit. I absolutely agree with you that we need to seek Him to help us discern the men who truly love God and have good intentions for His daughters. May God help us live according to His will and plans for our lives. Amen