A thought crossed my mind the other day: I’m the only one from the friend group at my first job who is still single(men included).
I’m not in touch with most of them anymore. Some have moved on to better things, others have relocated. But I couldn’t help noticing that, out of the 13 or so of us, I’m the only one who isn’t married and doesn’t have kids.
That kind of realization can feel heavy, especially when you sit with it too long. But thank God, it’s not the full story. Yes, I may have been the “only one” in that group, but I know I’m not the only one.
Over time, I’ve come to recognize the tactics of the enemy when it comes to my singleness. I’ve seen how he tries to reduce me to a mess of shame and tears. And I’ll be honest, sometimes it gets to me.
There have been moments I’ve asked God:
“Why did You place this desire in my heart?” or
“Why have You taught me so much about marriage and relationships if it’s not part of Your plan for me?”
Maybe you’ve asked those same questions.
Maybe you’re tired of being the “only one” at social gatherings, family celebrations, or even among your church friends.
Here are 5 things I want you to know and remember as you navigate this season.
1. It’s Okay to Feel the Weight of This
Let’s start with this: your feelings are valid.
Feeling left out, overlooked, or out of sync with your circle doesn’t make you faithless. It makes you human.
It’s okay to grieve what hasn’t happened yet. It’s okay to miss the closeness you once had with friends who are now in different life stages. It’s okay to feel that pang when you’re the only one at a table who doesn’t share stories about a spouse or kids.
But don’t stop there.
We serve a God who sees the weight you carry.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
Even when your pain is silent, He hears it clearly.
2. You Are Not Alone, Even If It Feels That Way
Loneliness lies.
It tells you you’re forgotten. It makes you think everyone else is moving forward while you’re stuck. But the truth is: you are not alone.
There are thousands of women like you: faithful, strong, purpose-driven walking this same path. And beyond that, God Himself walks closely with you.
He doesn’t see you as behind.
He sees you as beloved.
Sometimes, all it takes is finding a few people who “get it” whether through a blog post, a prayer group, or a kind message from someone who understands. I recently started a small group of other amazing women who love the Lord, are faithful in where he has planted them, and are single. We try to meet up once a month to check in, encourage each other, and just generally support each other. It’s been a divine community.
3. Don’t Let the “Only” Become Your Identity
It’s easy to start defining yourself by what you don’t have.
“The only single one.”
“The only one without kids.”
“The one who’s still waiting.”
But that’s not who you are.
You are chosen.
You are loved.
You are called—right here, right now, in this very season.
Your identity is not found in your relationship status. It’s rooted in Christ. You may have heard this before, or even said it to yourself, but do you believe it?
Before you look to marriage to fix something it was not created for, spend time to understand and fully embrace your identity in Christ.
And when you lean into that, you begin to see singleness not as a punishment, but as a season filled with purpose and possibility.
4. God Hasn’t Forgotten You, He’s Still Writing Your Story
Sometimes, the waiting feels endless. But every waiting season in Scripture was used by God to prepare, refine, and position His people.
Think of Joseph in prison.
David tending sheep.
Elizabeth waiting for a child.
Jesus waiting 30 years to begin His public ministry.
God is not wasting your time. He is weaving something far more intricate than you can see right now. He knows your desires, and He knows what’s best for your becoming.
But we need to trust Him and trust His process. It may look nothing like we were expecting but best believe that if it’s from God, then it will better than anything we could have asked or imagined.
5. Cultivate Connection and Joy Where You Are
This season doesn’t have to be marked by absence. It can be full of life, connection, joy, and depth.
- Be intentional about nurturing your friendships, even when dynamics shift.
- Create new rhythms of joy: solo dates, spiritual retreats, hobbies that make you come alive. These can be life-changing practices that enrich your life. Check out this post for more ideas.
- Find spaces that affirm your season: prayer circles, online communities, local meetups with other single women of faith.
Don’t forget to laugh, celebrate, and live fully.
You are not in a holding pattern. You are in the middle of a meaningful life.
God has a Good Plan for You
You may be the “only one” in your current circle, but you are not the only one in the Kingdom.
You are part of a generation of women who are walking this path with courage and faith.
You are seen.
You are valued.
And you are deeply loved by a God who never writes people out of His story.
Let’s Talk:
Have you ever felt like the “only one”? How have you navigated it? I’d love to hear your story in the comments or pray with you.
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