I remember a conversation I had with one of my aunties, a few years ago. We were chatting and then she said something along the lines of:
“Your cousin is now married and has a child.”
She said this looking intently at me.
I smiled and acknowledged her statement, thanking God for blessing our family.
To any other person, this may have seemed harmless, but my history with this person has always been rife with tension when it comes to discussions around marriage. Still, I took it in stride. The cousin she mentioned is 9 years younger, and I knew what this meant. I was still single, and someone almost a decade younger was now married with a child.
Now, I am not casting any aspersions on my relative, and I imagine she meant well. But I know how conversations like this can quickly spiral. They can spiral into feelings of bitterness, or even envy when we see people enjoy the blessings we have been praying for.
I know women who have suffered disrespect from younger people simply because those ones were married with children. Women who have battled shame and jealousy, when confronted with those you have things they have been praying for. Then wrestling with the additional shame of even feeling jealous.
If you’re in this space, please keep reading.
1. Envy doesn’t Make You Evil, But It Does Need Attention
Let’s be honest: when someone younger, less faithful, or seemingly undeserving gets what you’ve been praying for, it can sting.
You may smile politely and say “Praise God” but something inside you winces.
That doesn’t make you evil.
It makes you human. But we don’t stop there.
Because if left unchecked, those quiet aches can grow into loud accusations, against others, against ourselves, and eventually, against God.
The enemy loves to whisper, “See? You’re behind. You’re overlooked. You’re not enough.”
But God calls us to guard our hearts from these lies, not through denial, but through spiritual clarity.
2. Bitterness is a Slow Leak, Not a Sudden Break
Rarely does envy explode out of nowhere. Most times, it builds quietly over time:
- A scroll through social media
- Another engagement announcement
- A side comment at church
- A family member’s well-meaning “reminder”
And before you know it, comparison begins to chip away at your joy. You don’t even notice how guarded you’ve become. How cold. How small. You become the very thing you thought you would never be – bitter.
That’s why Proverbs 4:23 tells us,
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
And this is not a call to build impenetrable walls or guard from a place of fear, but with wisdom and discernment.
3. God isn’t in a Hurry, He is Always on Time
Maybe what’s hardest is not just seeing others receive, but watching who receives.
You see women younger, seemingly less intentional, maybe even less faithful, and it confuses you.
But remember: God doesn’t operate by comparison. He operates by calling.
And while it may not feel fair, He is still faithful.
Your timeline is not a sign of failure.
Your waiting is not a sign of rejection.
Your worth isn’t defined by your ring finger or your relationship status.
God’s love for you isn’t proven by how fast He moves, but by how fully He’s present.
Let God’s Love Become Your Anchor
If your heart feels bruised, tender, or guarded today, come close.
God isn’t intimidated by your questions or your feelings. He knows how to hold you gently.
You don’t have to fake joy. You don’t have to suppress desire. But you do need to guard your heart, because it is precious, powerful, and deeply loved.
So when others get what you’ve been praying for, stay anchored.
God hasn’t skipped you.
He hasn’t forgotten you.
He’s just writing your story differently, and that’s a blessing. You are His masterpiece, created for His glory. So watch Him show up and show out in your life.
Let’s Talk:
Have you ever struggled with comparison in your waiting? What helps you stay centered in seasons like this?
Leave a comment or message me privately, I’d love to hear from you and pray with you.
For sure, bitterness, envy, and comparison can be a constant struggle when you’re single. Especially when people younger than you reach these milestones before you. I turned thirty earlier this year, and am still single at the time of writing his. So yeah, I’ve been there SO many times.
You’re genuinely happy, but you also feel sad, or jealous. Sometimes your first emotions are those of envy or sadness. Which then makes you feel bad because you WANT to be happy for whoever’s getting engaged, especially if they’re friends or family. Then we feel guilty because, well, all the “Good Christians” shouldn’t be experiencing envy. Why do human emotions have to be so complicated? Haha.
When people get engaged, these things tend to be announced and celebrated. Sometimes they’re announced by the pastor before a church sermon. That’s often been my experience. My pastor has five kids, all of whom got married in their twenties, all of whom seem to have met someone by coincidence, when they “weren’t looking.” All of these were joyfully announced from the pulpit. I went to all of their weddings and had a blast at all of them. But, still, sometimes my first reaction was one of envy, sadness, bitterness, etc.
It’s OK, though. We can’t always help the way we emotionally react to things. We all have a sin nature to deal with. We can’t help what our hearts feel, but we can choose how to act and how to treat people.
In Romans 12:15 we’re told to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” When it comes to the struggle of jealousy and envy of your friends, you can rejoice with them and still feel the pain of not having what you desire. Easier said than done, though, of course. It’s hard because we feel these things, we can’t help it that we feel these things, and yet we still don’t want to verbalize what we’re feeling. Especially in the moment, when everyone’s celebrating. We want to be happy for our friend. We don’t want to ruin the moment by “complaining.” So we stuff it down, unsure of how to express it. Envy is so hard to deal with sometimes. We try to repress it in the moment, but it doesn’t really work. Then we feel guilty about because we genuinely want to be happier for others. Then we shrug, and resign ourselves, and think this is just he way things are.
But, you can feel multiple things at once, for sure. When you’re in moments like seeing an engagement announcement, or getting a wedding invite, or attending a wedding, or seeing happy couples together, well, you can feel both happy and sad. You can’t help that. Give yourself permission to feel those things in the moment, for sure.