What I didn’t know about modesty

I believe this will be a quick one:

What usually comes to mind when you hear the word modesty? Do you expect to receive the rules or guidelines of what is the expected or acceptable mode of Christian dressing, essentially, what is right?

Perhaps, these are heavy words to describe how we should look; yet it is important, it so important that new denominations and Christian communities were created on the back of how women and men should dress.

But I’m not going to dwell on the rightness or otherwise of these doctrinal or theological differences but to look at modesty as a word we currently wield in our quest to live a Christian life. 

As a young woman, I often felt judged for my dress choices and I also did my fair bit of judging. (Isn’t it funny how we often propagate the very things we don’t like?)

When I saw a person who I believed was dressed inappropriately, I would be quick to give them the look…you know that look, right? The one that says: “how could you leave your house this way? Is it your intention to distract others and lead them to sin?”

I used to believe that one’s dressing had the power to lead others to sin. Perhaps it does but that would be too simplistic and we would merely be passing the buck. We may be led to sin but it is still up to us to sin. We get to choose, no matter what anyone thinks; the choice has always been ours.

But again, my focus goes beyond these. Recently, I felt the Lord convict me on the issue of modesty and how I dress. I always say God has a sense of humor because he often catches us out. If I remember correctly, mine happened while I was engaged in one of my “judgy” looks. He reminded me of my own journey with him and how the Holy Spirit has influenced my dressing in unexpected ways.

He showed me a few things that have changed how I look at modesty:

 

1. Modesty is relative

How we dress is relative and often depends on culture, experiences and even the weather. This means we are often in the wrong when we judge others by our own dress standards, which is usually what we do. For instance, if you grew up conservative, the dressing may involve covering as much of yourself as possible. The problem is that we use this experience as the standard and may believe women who don’t cover up as we do are dressed inappropriately, and vice versa.

 

2. Modesty is a heart matter

Like any other thing we do, our motives and reasons often matter more than the actual action. If I dress conservatively so people will call me good and righteous, is that not as dangerous as one who dresses “seductively” so they will be called attractive and sexy! These two scenarios highlight brokenness: a need to impress, to be loved or accepted by others. But the truth is that only God’s approval matters.

 

3. Modesty is merely a symptom

I believe that modesty is a symptom of a bigger issue: morality. Simply put, morality is the human way of determining what is right or wrong, at any given time. Which also means it is man’s way of seeing/doing things without the help of God. And it is understandable why society needed a way to regulate itself without necessarily ascribing these to a God or higher being. I should also add that morality could also exist in religious settings, the difference would often be that such followers infer what their God/god expects without express confirmation.

Within Christian circles, I see modesty as our way of ensuring purity and righteousness. In essence, many of us who espouse these standards mean well though it is often misdirected. For one thing, these standards are too prescriptive and often do not take into account how different we all are.

It also diminishes the work of the Holy Spirit. The centrality of our purpose as Christians lies in our relationship with God – a real, personal and loving relationship.

 

You may say I’m overreaching if I think God should be involved in our dressing and you will be rightly wrong, here’s why:

 

• God is interested in every aspect of our lives

He is interested in everything that pertains to us – what we eat, drink, how we live, etc. this is especially so because we made the decision to be his children by the blood of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

 

• Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit

This means that the way we clothe and treat this earthly body should be to honor the one who dwells within it. How we dress matters, not so much for others, or us but for God, which means we should seek to please him. 1 Corinthians 6:20


In Galatians 1:10 Paul says:

“I’m obviously not trying to flatter you or water down my message to be popular with men, but my supreme passion is to please God. For if all I attempt to do is please people, I would not be the true servant of the Messiah.”

 

Understanding the God thing vs. the good thing

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that there’s a difference between a good thing and a God thing and if we try to do what we think is good without God’s influence then we miss it. What each of us needs to continually focus on and pursue is the God thing.

God was the first to determine what was good (creation story Genesis 1:1-20) and he is the authority on this. I will be sharing more about this in another post.

Perhaps, you have spent most of your life trying to fit into the church’s mode of a good Christian woman. You have worn the acceptable dresses; you have covered your hair, and maybe even avoided makeup and jewelry.

But that’s the wrong focus. It’s like choosing the law when you have grace in Christ.

Rather than pursuing man-made laws, I pray you subject this area of your life to God. Ask him for how he would like you to dress, remember that it is his purpose and pleasure you should be seeking and no one else’s. Go straight to the source and seek to understand what he wants for you.

 

Ultimately, the quest for modesty is an individual one and it must flow from a place of relationship with God.

 

I say this because that is what he has done in my life and the life of some amazing ladies I know. I have seen the Holy Spirit help me make dress choices I felt were too ostentatious or revealing at the same time, he has called me to a season of simplicity and conservation (like not wearing makeup or using wigs). These two things may seem contrary but it just shows the importance of knowing God for ourselves and allowing him to determine how we live every aspect of our lives.

 

I will end with this little story:

Over a decade ago, I visited a museum in my city. They had photos of Nigerian men and women from different tribes, some of the photos were very old (what I saw has remained with me all this while).

There were pictures of men with long plaited hair, bare chests and stringed straw around their waist. The women were attired similarly — most had bare chests, with a wooden necklace around their necks, plaited hair and stringed straw around their waist.

My ancestors dressed this way for most of their lives and you know what, it worked for them and they lived.

I share this story to reiterate that the idea of covering ourselves because of sexual temptation misses an important mark. The real culprit is our thoughts and how we view things. There are religions and peoples who require women to cover their entire bodies including their heads yet this has not stopped sexual temptation or sexual exploitation.

 

Remember Adam and Eve?

They were naked and without shame until they ate of the fruit of good and evil. This fruit forever warped our idea of good and bad. It led to morality, our way of determining what is right and what is not. One of the first things Adam and Eve did after eating of the fruit was to cover their nakedness. Genesis 3: 4-7

See, Jesus died for us to remove the sting of shame and sin attached to our former lives. He has freed us from the power of the flesh and its desires and he exhorts us to renew our minds in accordance with the Will and word of God. Romans 12:1-2

When we live and think like Christ then a naked person is no longer a symbol of sex but just another human being.

The struggle starts from the mind and if we don’t defeat this beast, then we will always flounder thinking it’s up to us to be pure and righteous. It is God’s grace that aligns us in right-standing with him.

I know I have given you a lot to ponder but I pray that our Heavenly Father will fill you with his words and help you understand what he wants of you.

Don’t just accept what I’ve said but test it to ensure that my words are aligned with God’s truth.

 

Some verses for you:

1 Thessalonians 5:20-21

“Don’t suppress the Spirit, and don’t stifle those who have a word from the Master. On the other hand, don’t be gullible. Check out everything, keep only what is good. Throw out anything tainted with evil.”

 

Matthew 15:11(TPT)

“What truly contaminates a person is not what he puts into his mouth but what comes out of his mouth. That’s what makes people defiled.”

 

2 Corinthians 10:5

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”