What do you do when you’re ignored?

I had poured out my heart, bared my soul … my words were emphatic, persistent.

I had highlighted salient points, starting from the very beginning, all the way to the end. It was a message that had it all. And after I sent it…

*crickets*

Not a single response.

No one said anything.

Not even an acknowledgement that a message had been received.

I was shocked.

It was a huge blow to the ego I thought I had dealt with.

An unforgiving reminder of how much I craved approval.

I thought my message made sense. I believed it was the very thing we needed to resolve the issue.

Yet, it had been ignored!

As if I wasn’t feeling bad enough, there were other messages sent by others after mine, basically, the conversation continued.

It was as if I hadn’t even sent anything. My message was that break in transmission that was gloriously ignored.

Aargh! It hurt!

I wanted to ask why no one had responded to my message.

My over-active imagination went full-blown Hollywood on me, different scenarios played out and I considered each one. I imagined I had done something to the group or had made some terrible faux pas.

But there was one thing missing in all these.

One thing you may have noticed reading through this recantation of my experience.

I had made it all about me – my message, other people’s response and my expectations.

The gentle voice of the sweet Holy Spirit asked me whom the message was for

Was it to show my intellect, to show that I am wise that I have the answers or was it to show him?

Of course, I tried to argue my way out of it.

I tried to show that I was simply sharing what he had taught me.

Imagine trying to defend yourself against one who can see through every word, every thought and every deed. It was a lost cause and I had to ask his forgiveness.

Many times, we start out doing things for the right reasons but may fall into the temptation of doing it for ourselves, trying to prove a point or to be seen a certain way.

I was guilty of this and I’m so glad that God allowed me to see the error of my ways.

It was a much-needed reminder that in everything, we must take heed lest we fall into the temptation of focusing on self and assuaging the desires of the flesh.

Oh! The lesson didn’t end there nor was it the first time I had been on this deserted island.

The Holy Spirit reminded me of a particular experience from a few years ago. He juxtaposed my actions against the reactions I received then and now.

…

It was a lovely evening in the summer (or rainy season over here) I was in my favourite kimono suit, one of the guests to speak at an event.

Due to some technical issues, the event didn’t start on time and when it was my turn to speak, most of the attendees had become antsy. The hall was a bit noisy and a lot of mumbling. As I walked to the front, my palms were sweaty and I felt a knot at the pit of my stomach.

But I knew God wanted me there and I also knew I had to speak even if no one listened.

So, I spoke for about 15 or so minutes, to a less than attentive audience. There were many moments where I just wanted to stop and head back to my seat but I knew it wasn’t about me. I kept praying silently for God’s strength to stay and finish.

Something happened when I finished.

I felt an unbelievable peace, even though physically I felt like hiding and crying. My flesh had been ignored but my spirit was alive and felt such a strong connection to God. The words that kept coming to me where Jesus’ words ‘ ‘that we will be persecuted and rejected for my sake.’

Those were piercing words.

It was a reminder that following Christ has never been a popularity contest.

When we were about to leave the event, no one came up to me to thank me or even ask for my contact, it was almost as if I didn’t exist.

When I got back to the house where I was staying, I prayed earnestly because I knew God had just shown me a hard but expected part of the surrendered life.

The fact that people will not always be happy with what you say. That there will be times when you’re ridiculed, insulted, ignored, rejected and a host of many things.

How you manage these situations will say a lot about the state of your heart and trust in the Lord.

Later on that night, one of the other speakers shared something she had learned from my session. I was surprised and I remembered thinking … could it be the word was for her and not even for the attendees. I didn’t know and it wasn’t really my place to worry about that but I was grateful for her words.

As I pondered on that experience, I wrote about it in my journal. I have never shared this but I believe it is such a powerful reminder of what it means to live for Christ and I pray it blesses you immensely:

My God, you are too good to me; even I knew I had lost the crowd. When I was beginning to get despondent, wondering what I had done, you brought me back with your words. You reminded me that my task was to speak the word, not to focus on people’s faces or actions. You reminded me that sometimes, your word is just for one person and sometimes it’s for no one else but the speaker, to remind us to be steadfast in what we have been sent to do even when no one listens, even when there are no accolades, no celebrations and no popularity.  

What a gracious God you are. Your words were a balm to my hurt pride. They reminded me that it’s never been about me and it will never be about me. It reminded me that I have to focus on you and accept when people don’t listen to me for it will probably happen more often than I think or want to believe and I have to be ready. 

God, you are so good. Thank you, thank you ????

You turned what could have been a painful experience into a beautiful one of grace and mercy. Of living beyond the expectations of others and pandering to their accolades. Thank you, Lord. 

 

My heart is filled with joy. Thank you for holding me close at moments like this. ❤️

 

 

Being ignored is not the problem, the reason why matters more

It is clear that I was more or less ignored in the two stories I shared but it would be wrong to equate these two experiences as the same.

They are so far from each other that there can be no real connection save that I was in both.

This shows that being ignored was not the problem, what matters more is the source of my actions. Did we do it for self or was it what God directed/led us to do?

Was it about us or about God?

That’s an incredible lesson I pray you don’t forget.

Perhaps, you’ve had similar experiences or you were cringing reading through mine…lol.

But I hope you realize all of this comes down to two things – our motives and our source.

What fueled your decision, was it about you, was it coming from a place of self, were you trying to prove something?

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10

We need to be truly honest with ourselves.

Remember that you cannot lie to the Holy Spirit. He knows the true state of your heart.

Similarly, there will be times we will get things wrong, there will be times when we do things for the wrong reasons. What matters most is that we go back to God, we learn from our mistakes and we embrace His grace and mercy.

For some of us, it may be your family, friends or even a guy you like who ignores you. It may be your boss, colleagues, neighbours, and even church members who ignore or avoid you.

I pray you don’t let that get you down.

It’s so wonderful to know that no matter what we face or how people treat us, we can overcome and come out stronger. I hope that spurs you on.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine, or nakedness or danger or sword?…no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”

Romans 8:35,37(NIV)

In a nutshell, here are three things to do when you are ignored or rejected.

Three things to do when you’re ignored or rejected

1. Check your heart and motive

 

2. Pray for grace and forgiveness

 

3. Take the next necessary action or correction