Two reasons why a relationship from God will fail

I recently shared what some may call an unpopular opinion on why relationships sent from God do not always work.
The reality it is that even when we know that a relationship is from God, we can still struggle in that relationship and may end up breaking up with the person.
The underlying truth about this struggle is that evil will always oppose good.

The devil will always oppose anything from God, whether it is our relationships, our family, our health, and our divine purpose.
He will always look for ways to stifle and frustrate the blessings of God on His children and our romantic relationship is one area where he works overtime.
Do you know why?
Who we end up with is the second most important decision we will ever make (after our decision to follow Christ).
He knows the power of two of God’s children coming together as one.

But we can not place all the blame on the devil.
After all, the Bible reminds us that ‘if we resist the devil, he will flee from us.’ (see James 4:7)

So, why do we still struggle?
Why is it that some God-ordained relationships and marriages still suffer and many end up in heartbreaks and divorces?

I believe there are a few reasons for that, and in this post, I will consider four of these reasons.

The first and perhaps the most important reason is pride.

How Pride affects our relationships

Pride has been at the heart of human frailty and ruin since the beginning of time. The first seeds of sin were borne in pride and even today, we still struggle with this silent but nefarious enemy.
So, what is pride?
The Bible Dictionary defines pride as:

Inordinate self-esteem, an unreasonable conceit of one’s own superiority in talents, beauty, wealth, accomplishments, rank or elevation in office, which manifests itself in lofty airs, distance, reserve, and often in contempt of others.”

Pride’s impact

Here’s what pride does to us:
• Reminds us of what we “deserve.”
Our flesh is quick to dictate the kind of man we should have. It quantifies our work and our sense of self and uses this as a yardstick. The danger with this thinking is that it is subtle and seems right. It seems right to say we deserve the best and should have it. It seems right to say we can only be with men who look a certain way or have certain attributes.
Now, the distinction between what we desire and what we demand is important. Pride always wants its way.
I do not believe that there is anything inherently wrong with wanting these attributes, the problem becomes where we fail to subject our wants and desires to the word of God and the leading of the Holy Spirit. It becomes a sin where our flesh takes pre-eminence and we do not obey God.

• Pushes the “me first” agenda.
Pride seeks to gratify the flesh, but God must always come first. One of the current trends in today’s world is the “me first” agenda. This idea is contrary to God’s word which calls us to love and service. There is no me first in the Kingdom.

• Amplifies the weaknesses of others and justifies ours.
Pride limits our tolerance and patience but accelerates our thirst for instant gratification. It is harder to stay in a relationship where you see more of the bad in your partner than the good. We will struggle where we are more pessimistic than hopeful, especially when we are quick to count the faults of others rather than to count our blessings.

The antidotes to pride

The antidotes to pride are humility and total surrender. We all must recognise that we do not know much.
We can’t even see into tomorrow how much more in the next few months and years? That’s the problem with pride, it is false confidence and arrogance over things that are not in our control.
It is God who knows all.
He knows the end from the beginning, and He knows why He wants you to be with a certain person. We must surrender to God’s headship and believe that if He has called us to someone then He will be with us.

The power of pain

Another reason a relationship sent from God will suffer is because of the pain from our past experiences and relationships. There is a tendency to carry the hurts and fears from a former relationship to a new one.

Our past pains become the lens through which we see everyone and judge every action.
It becomes a constant reminder of what could happen.

So, we no longer look at our partners for who they are but find ourselves comparing their actions to those who hurt us in the past.
For some, it might be hurt caused by a father or father figure in our lives. We may have allowed our experiences to dictate our relationships with all men.

This is something I have seen time and again, even in my life.

It took a while to understand what was going on.
I realised that many of us were struggling because we were not healed and whole. We were still limping through life carrying pieces of our hearts.
The pains were still apparent and the scars still open.

Thankfully, we have a God who is an expert at mending broken hearts.

When I encourage you to trust God with your hearts, it is not just a nice sounding and biblical phrase but from my experience and the experience of many other women.

He is the one that can heal us and make us whole.

He will not only mend our hearts but will bind up our wounds. He will lead us to a deep and intimate place to restore our souls.

It is really our souls that are wounded when we suffer heartbreak. Our souls struggle when the deep bonds and connections with a person are broken or don’t pan out. This is why the pain of heartbreak is often like the pain of losing a loved one.

Sis, trust God with your heart. Your healing is important and will change the very course of your life.
I pray you allow God to do the necessary work – to excavate the fears, the pains, and the anxiety lurking in there. Allow Him to wash away every scrap of insecurity, lies and oppression.

The Bible says:

Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God…He gathers together the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 147: 1, 3

Never forget that God is able and willing to heal you.

In the next post, I will share the two more reasons why I believe kingdom relationships struggle, I will also share the incredible story of the Late Derek Prince. Do look out for this post.

And if we are not careful, we accept and even proclaim our way. We discount our “blessings” believing they could not possibly be from God.