Three things to do when fear comes knocking

How do you feel about fear?

Okay, I literally asked ‘what’s your emotion about an emotion.’

Please bear with me.

Growing up, I used to think of myself as a storyteller.

I believed in my mind’s eye that I could weave captivating yarns, but I have since realized the irony- while I loved reading stories, I was woeful at writing them.

I am more of your stark, colorless, straight-to-the-point kinda girl. My writing is like a hospital – white, blinding lights and not a place you want to spend too much time.

Okay, that may be too depressing an analogy, but I believe you get the drift.

And in a way, I have shared the first thing we can do when our fears surface – acknowledge them.

Acknowledge Your Fear

I once believed admitting that I couldn’t write great stories meant I was a terrible writer and hopeless, it bred a lot of fear and shame because of my dream to become an author.

Thankfully, acknowledging this fear did the opposite for me:

• It took away the visceral grip that had stopped me from even trying to write.

I used to say “what’s the point of trying? It will probably be bad…”. These days I’m more apt to say “what can I do better…I know I suck at tenses, but I can still try…”

• It created room for growth.

It was clear that I needed to learn how to write in an engaging manner.

• It made me humble and respectful of the process.

You often hear about people who were born with genius-level talents. For us black/female writers, Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie is not only a role model (literary icon) but a reminder of how far out I was. However, learning about the growth mindset changed my perspective. It’s not just about talent but also about consistency, deliberate practice, and a willingness to learn. I’m working on these.

Hold your fear close

I know, I know…it doesn’t make sense to hold on to the fear.

I should be telling you to run, avoid it, throw a bushel of it into the fire, but hear me out; Our fears are often a cover for something deeper. When we acknowledge and try to drill down on that fear, we can learn a lot about ourselves.

For instance, a fear of public speaking may not even be about public speaking but more about a fear of no one liking us, it may be about a strong desire to belong, to be validated, accepted, etc.

Holding your fear close is simply about you trying to understand what that fear is trying to reveal about you.

Just the other day, I was invited to a friend’s family gathering (?). To say I was scared when he made introductions would be an understatement. I was petrified of what they would think of me. I left that event emotionally drained. Afterward, and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I had to sit with the fear and drill down on the source.

I realised I still struggled with a preoccupation with people’s opinions. I had been so focused on my thoughts that I failed to engage properly (or even smile). Right now, I’m going back to the drawing board to work on this fear.

Please don’t skip this process. It can transform how we interface with our fears.

More so, don’t do any of these exercises in your strength. We need the strength and wisdom of God to do this in a healthy and helpful manner.

Separate yourself from the fear

You are not your fear.

You are not your mistakes, your triumphs, your regrets, and your accomplishments.

Yes, these are expressions of who you are and can affect the trajectory of your life. However,

• It’s about who you are not what you do.

Our identity is in Christ, not in our righteous or unrighteous living. “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all righteous acts are like filthy rags…” Isaiah 64:6

• Separating from your fear is about not letting your fears define you.

For example, I had allowed my tendency to be self-conscious to impede budding relationships, and things that I could have done/accomplished. There are several characters in the Bible who allowed their fear to determine the course of their lives. Every day, I understand more and more why “Do not be afraid…” was a common phrase, particularly in the Old Testament.

Today, we have the Holy Spirit who, I believe, is continually whispering do not be afraid to us. I pray we always hear him and stop the fear.

 

• Our fears are often unrealistic and a warped representation of the facts before us. Separating from our fear takes us from the debilitating pain to building faith, where we trust God’s word and truth rather than what our heightened senses say.

Conclusion – You can do this

Learning to face and manage our fears is not a one-off affair but a journey of trusting God and letting go of the shackles that have us bound.

I pray that God will strengthen and bless you as your embark on this.