Three things you need in a Christ-centered Relationship

What comes to mind when you think about dating and relationships?

How do you decide who to date?

Perhaps, you are not yet dating but you have one or more guys you like or who have shown some interest. How are you managing these relationships?

Sis, I ask these questions because I have realized that it is far easier to just “date” than it is to have a Christ-centered relationship. Especially, as we live in a world where dating standards are quite low and in some places, non-existent.

A world where women are encouraged to explore their sexuality and “try out” a few men before they settle.

But we know that the world’s ways don’t work for us. The world’s ways are devoid of the heart of the father and will only lead us down a path of pain and destruction.

But the temptations still come. We feel the pull to give in to the world’s ways in our desire for love and companionship. To tune out the words of God and allow our hearts to dictate what we should do.

To combat this, we need to first know and accept what a Christ-centered relationship looks like.

For us as Christian women, dating has to mean more. It has to go beyond:

– Having sex

– dating because we feel alone and left out

– dating to stop the pressure from our family and friends

– dating to silence our biological clock

and all the many reasons we hear every day.

If this is true, then it means the dating process and who we end up with is far more important than we often think.

So, what is God’s way?

Three Recipes for Godly dating

Godly dating is not just about dating a Christian man.

Godly dating has to be more about God than about your dating life.

Did you know that the way you date says a lot about you?

For instance, are you willing to date:

• a non-believer
• a non-practicing Christian (still not sure what this means – aren’t we either Christian or not?!)
• even when there is no peace in the relationship and
• willingly forget your values and principles.

When we choose to date God’s way, we are also saying we want that relationship to honor God.

Here are three usual recipes for dating – The seed, the leaves, and the fruits, or what I call The Dating Tree.

1. The Seed of Dating

The seed here means Christ. In other words, our relationships have to be fully anchored in Christ. Like every area of our lives, we need to hand over our love life to him. Sis, this is not one of those times where we want to figure it out ourselves. We need to plant relationships that are fully immersed in Christ.

This means we should only date when we believe it is God’s will that we do so. Don’t date just because everyone thinks you should, or because you believe you are old enough.

I remember finding a beautiful admonition in Songs of Solomon, which I believe we all need to hear and remember:

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.”

Songs of Songs 2:7

Dating, like every area of our lives is spiritual and our decision to date has lasting impact on our lives. Dating for us has to be purposeful, with a Christ-centered marriage as the end goal.

 

2. The Leaves of Dating

When we plant the right seed, we will expect it to grow into the right tree. But it also takes work, it will need to be watered, weeded and pruned to grow as it ought.

The leaves of dating signify a relationship where you both honor God with your bodies and your lives. This will mean a loving and respectful relationship not tied to sex. It means you are both willing to die to self and to those desires that do not glorify God.

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God –this is your true and proper worship.”

Romans 12:1

Dating in a manner that glorifies God takes work and a boat load of grace. This is why it is so important to know what God is saying to you. When we allow God direct our path, he gives us grace to do his will. For more on how to for God’s will please read this post and this post.

We are told to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.”

Proverbs 3:5

The above scripture verse affirms that God can help us date in a manner that honors him so we can bear the right fruits.

 

3. The Fruits of Dating

‘By their fruits, you shall know them.’

(Matthew 7:16)

One of the biggest truths I learned about dating and marriage is that it is a kingdom movement.

I have learned that marriage is not just so you and your man can love each other, have great kids, and live a cute and Instagram worthy life. No, it’s so much more than that.

I believe that God’s purpose for marriage is to show the power of sacrificial love, to use it as a medium to show the world the far reaches of his love for them.

No, your relationship is not really about you but about what God can do through both of you. It has to have Christ at its center.

I hope this explains why it is dangerous to date a man who doesn’t love and honor God. For such a man cannot possibly understand or fathom the extent of God’s love and God’s purpose for his children.

Think about it; we Christians already struggle to live godly lives how much more a man who doesn’t believe in God??

Our relationships are a platform to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, and a medium through which others can see God.

This is certainly a tall order but not impossible, as our heavenly father is able and willing to help us.

 

A Question, for you

Looking at these three recipes above, can you honestly say your relationship honors God?

With what I know now, I can see that my past relationships were more about our feelings and attraction. We were caught up in the moment and didn’t fully realize the import of our decisions.

In all this, I pray that God will help us date His way. Amen