Three things you need to know before you date

Have you ever wondered if there are different dating rules for Christian women? For instance, should we even date or would we someday meet the man God has for us and marry him without dating?

For me, dating was one of those things I was reluctant to do. I believed that people could get married from being friends and didn’t need to get romantically involved before marriage. But I’ve since found that dating is great when done well.

What about you? What is your current experience with dating?

May be you believe Christians can date but must date in a godly manner, which would mean more of some things – love, kindness, self control and less of others fornication, self-centeredness and avarice.

If you’re currently wondering if you should date or how to go about it then here are three questions you need to personally ask and answer.

Three questions to consider before you date:

These are three questions for Christian women. I will confess that these questions are neither simple nor easy. They require an honest look at our lives. I hope you are able and willing to ask and answer these questions in your dating journey.

1. Why do I want to date?

The first question is to find your ‘why’. Dating like anything else we do must be purposeful. Basically, it should be for a reason or reasons and we should know these reasons.

So, what is your reason for dating?

• Are you doing it because you believe you’re of age? Over time, I’ve realized that being of age is usually a cultural/societal thing.
• Because it’s what’s expected,
• Because it’s in line with your values or because you feel the Lord’s leading to date.

You are the only one that can fully answer these questions and it’s important that you confirm your why before you proceed. I hope you will have a rethink should you find that you are dating because of the pressures and expectations of others.

2. Who do I want to date?

The next question to consider is whom you want to date. This relates to the qualities of the man you wish to date, his character, values and principles.

Now, this can be tricky. If you’re anything like me then you have certain things you will like to see in your future husband.

This is not bad per se, but we have to be careful that we don’t ‘major in the minor things’. This simply means that we do not make the secondary things paramount and push the primary things to the backburner. For one thing, how a man treats you and others is more important than how he looks.

You may be wondering how to know what to focus on and what really matters.

Well, I have some good news. There is one who is able and willing to help us through this process.

We do this by subjecting our desires to God’s will. By realizing that he knows what’s best for us and will be pleased when we allow him take center stage and help with our decisions.

God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves and has good plans for our lives.

Which means we need to trust and believe that he is able and willing to help us in whom we want to date and we should ask for his guidance.

Does this mean that we shouldn’t have an idea of the sort of person we want? Not at all, but it does mean that we should be mindful of our reasons and expectations.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37.4

For instance, what are the qualities that matter to you:

• Do you want a good man notwithstanding if his a believer or a non-believer? Being a believer goes beyond going to church on Sunday’s. It’s an intentional pact to live for God and according to his precepts.

“if you love me, keep my commands.”

John 14:15

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness.”

2 Corinthians 6:14

• Are you placing more emphasis on his physical characteristics: tall, short, handsome, not attractive, dresses well or on the depth of his character kind, respectful?

 

• What about his financial capability? Do you want a man who will be the sole breadwinner? Will his finances be a major point for you?

 

• Do you want it all? This is probably a good time to confess. I believe there are a few of us that want a tall, dark, handsome, rich and God loving Christian man. We want him to be absolutely amazing. We know there are no perfect guys but hope he will be very close.

 

3. How do I want to date?

This question may seem redundant but on further inspection, you may find that it ties the other two together. Our manner of dating matters, it has to be a true reflection of our beliefs, our principles and our values.

It is clear that as Christians, our expectations about dating will be different from those in the secular world. For one thing, we are not just dating for the sake of it but are working towards an expected end – marriage.

So, things like timing, communication and boundaries need to be considered.

Have you considered how long you would want to date before marriage? Will you stress the need for boundaries to avoid doing things you shouldn’t do like having sex while dating or doing things for each other that should be within the bounds of marriage?

These are things to consider, and these things will give you a better idea of who you are and what you want.

 

The Dating Tree

I like to think of dating as the beginning stage of a project. It’s like the first step towards marriage. And like any project, we have to make sure we know what we are doing.

A farmer will not just plant crops, he will want to check the type of crops, the seasons and time required. This will be similar to considerations of an architect who wants to build or an entrepreneur who is looking to build their business.

We need to count the cost, we may not have an accurate idea but should still take time to look inward and focus on the things that matter. We don’t wait until we are married to count the cost but start from when we decide to date the guy knowing he could be our future husband.

 

“For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down firs and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it – lest after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish…”

Luke 14:28