Have you ever wondered if you should date if you’re not ready for marriage?
Perhaps you have,
I know that dating in today’s world is often taken for granted. It is seen as a given for teenagers and adults.
But have you ever wondered “why we date?”
As the late Dr. Myles Munroe used to say “Where purpose is not known abuse is inevitable.”
For me, dating is a way to form romantic attachments that lead to marriage.
As Christians, our romantic intentions are not the end, but a means to the end – marriage.
This invariably means that where marriage is not the goal (including the immediate goal), then there is really no reason to be dating as it becomes a purposeless activity that can lead us down the wrong path.
Okay, I know I am shaking a few tables here.?
There are some obvious arguments against my statements, so let’s look at a few of these:
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Dating helps you confirm compatibility
The first problem with this argument is that it presumes that I am against any form of dating. Which is not the case. I am only against senseless dating. ?
On the few occasions I have attended Christian singles events, the compatibility question usually comes up. I hear my fellow singles ask how we can know who we are compatible with if we do not explore. Of course, we often leave out what this exploration really means and what it leads to (sexual exploration in some cases). We are fed the lie that you need to try something before you can know for sure.
However, in my conversations with many married people, they have confirmed that you can never truly know someone no matter how many years you spend with them. If we are being honest, we will confirm that we barely even know ourselves completely. There are still things we do that leave us gobsmacked.
Similarly, there are different avenues to check compatibility and the other’s intentions, and the best way is probably through friendships. The bonus of being friends is that there is less pressure to pretend.
2. Dating helps you manage your attraction and ability to commit
God not dating helps you manage your attraction and ability to commit.
I think many of us have a misguided idea that once we are dating, we will not be attracted to others, but the reverse is often the case.
Have you noticed how there are seasons of dryness (where no guys approach you), and when you actually meet someone you like or consider dating, all of sudden, the floodgates open and other men also show an interest?
We have to realize that the best life lessons are learned with the help and wisdom of the Holy Spirit. In this way, we cannot ascribe to dating what is in fact, learned by the grace of God.
3. Dating is not a big deal
When I hear teens talk about dating, the sense I often get is that it is not a big deal but a fun way of interacting and communicating with others. If you’ve ever read a YA novel, then you will likely agree. The world tells us that dating is fun and we should not overthink it. But we have also seen the pressure, heartache, and temptations that come with this.
Yes, dating can be fun but there is so much more. It is not something we should enter into lightly, nor simply because we are lonely and tired of being the ‘single’ one.
Dating IS a big deal, and we should treat it as such.
4. Everyone is doing it
Ah! The age-old argument.
If you’ve read some of my relationship posts, then you would have come across my sentiments around how our desire to belong and be accepted often leads us down a treacherous path.
The fact is that ‘the everyone is doing it’ argument is probably one of the worst reasons for doing anything. Yet, we find that it is often the one thing we cling to.
When we see all the loved-up couples on social media, and even in our neighborhoods, it’s hard to wonder why we should be different and not follow along.
But here is one reason – We have been called to live a set-apart life as Christ’s beloved.
This means we don’t just follow the herd but have to follow the right path for us.
In Conclusion – Your Dating life matters
Dating, like all other activities, should be placed under the lens of the word of God. We cannot let the world dictate what is acceptable nor should we be swayed by the media’s depiction of romance.
The world often paints an unrealistic picture of love which promotes unhealthy expectations in a relationship. One of the biggest of such is the idea that our happiness and our wholeness depend on another human being.
This is one of the biggest lies we will encounter in dating and marriage.
There is only one who can satisfy us and He is the one who created us with the deep longing only he can fill. In the same way, we must allow God, the one who created the times and seasons to reveal his timing for this area of our lives.
Songs of songs say:
Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right. ”
Song of Songs 8:4(NLT)
There is a time and season for everything.
Check your heart, are you longing to date because everyone is doing it or because you believe that God is leading you to marriage?
Are you allowing God to work on your heart and your mind so that you are not building unrealistic expectations about your life and your relationships?
You know the answers to these questions and I will leave you with this: don’t be in a hurry to date but rather make the most of your current season.
God’s blessings
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