First things first:
Sex was designed by God. Not by man or by the devil.
God gave us this incredible gift to amplify our connection to each other, and to him.
I know it can be difficult to fully accept this, in real terms, but remember that the fact that we had a wrong or unhealthy relationship with sex does not change God’s original intention.
Sex and the Single Christian Girl
Today’s world is inundated with visual interpretations of sex as defined by the world.
And even when we may not mean to, we may find our thoughts and actions aligning with the world’s definitions rather than scriptural explanations.
But here’s a different perspective:
God’s design is for your sexual choices to accurately reflect your devotion to Him and to reveal the level of commitment you’ve made to a man.”
Dr. Juli Slattery, Sex and the Single Girl
I must confess that I pondered the above statement (and similar statements from the book) for a while.
In these, I realized that God’s design for sex is to show us in real and potent terms the beauty of intimacy; the splendor of the type of relationship he wants with us: deep, rich, and meaningful.
This is not about the Hollywood version steeped in fireworks and earth-shattering orgasms – but about so much more.
In simple terms, it is about a total abandonment of everything to submit fully to Him and what He is doing in and through us.
It is about being vulnerable, not minding the messy bits or trying to force things, but allowing that commitment to love, respect, and subject your desires in service to another.
Yes, you guessed it – it’s about sacrifice.
You may be saying that
“This is all well and good but how do I manage the sexual urges as a single woman or the fact that I have a sexual past?”
Firstly, sex, like marriage, is an earthly exploration of a heavenly prospect. It gives us a glimpse of our eternity with Christ – one of love, intimacy, connection, and joy.
Your sexual urges don’t make you bad or dirty, rather they give you a reason to direct it to the right place – God. As single women, we get the incredible privilege of giving expression to our sexuality in Christ.
We submit our feelings, emotions, and urges to him. We use these as a channel to grow closer to the one who owns our hearts.
This also means that what we feed our hearts will affect our thoughts and actions.
Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
Our man-made aberrations
We humans have sought our own interpretations of sexual identity and sexual freedom. From the people of Sodom, the Babylonians, Old Rome, and even into the present age of pornography, bestiality, sexual bondage, and avarice.
We have done it all and there is nothing new under the sun.
You, my brothers and sisters were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
Galatians 5:13-14
But managing our freedom is easier said than done…
If you’ve ever watched porn, then you know that there is something it does to us that is beyond the physical.
Here’s how Dr. Slattery explains this phenomenon:
Pornography trains your brain to respond to unrealistic sexual images and allows you to have a sexual experience on your own terms. The long-term effect? A man or woman cannot respond sexually within a real relationship that requires patience, understanding, and communication. In fact, research is now linking porn use to erectile dysfunction among young men.”
Sex and the Single Girl
Sex as the world sees it cannot satisfy because they have ascribed to sex what it cannot give – deep fulfillment and unconditional love and connection. It is a means not the end.
What if I have a sexual past?
There’s a lot of shame and guilt for many single Christian women who have had sex.
In a recent post, I wrote about my sexual past and God’s gift of forgiveness and restoration.
Through that experience, my sexual identity was transformed.
I realized that it was neither about me nor about the man but about God by attuning every desire, every feeling, and emotion to its rightful place…in God.
I learned to accept and allow God’s freedom sip into every dark and secret place in my life.
To be truly free, I had to look at my sexual past through the lens of the cross. A place of death to the shame, the guilt, the pain, the fear, and the regret. That was the burden that had held me down and I needed to let go.
I needed to let go of the idea that I was ‘dirty or damaged goods’, I had to let go of the idea that it was too late or impossible to give God this too.
And that is what love does for us.
It is his love that makes the dying to self, possible and makes the resurrection in him our reality.
Whatever you do, please don’t run from God.
He sees and knows everything including any struggles you are experiencing.
Ultimately, our sexual identity is about intimacy with God – to know him and be known by him.
Do you agree? I would love you hear your thoughts.
I needed this so much. I have experienced with a few sex partners in my younger years and I have asked God to release those spirutal ties from me. I have now been in a relationship with the same man for over 8 years. We are committed but not through God and His word so “sex unmarried” really makes me feel ugly, nasty and shameful. I repent every-time, and conviction always sets it. We haven’t had the money for a wedding, and I don’t want to be married just for sex, but although i feel that’s where I sin repeatedly the most. Prayers for me please. Thank you Jesus for not letting me go and still tugging at my heart ✝️? I’m listening!