Do you know God for yourself?
Can you confidently say that your relationship with God stands on its own, independent of your partner, your pastor, or even your parents?
This is so important, especially in a season of courtship or engagement. Your partner can inspire you, encourage you, and even model intimacy with God, but they cannot know God on your behalf.
The Apostle Paul painted a beautiful picture of this kind of devotion in Philippians 3:8:
“What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.”
What a radical call to love and surrender! Paul was saying that everything else in life—status, possessions, and even relationships—only made sense through the lens of Christ.
Think of an Olympic runner. With eyes fixed on the finish line, they block out every distraction. Paul invites us to live with that kind of singular focus, where Christ remains our first love and greatest pursuit.
Jesus Himself revealed the key to this life when He said:
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
Matthew 6:33
Imagine what your life, and your relationship, would look like if you pursued God this way.
Why this Matters in Courtship
If you want a God-ordained relationship, you must first nurture your relationship with Him personally. Before you seek God with your partner, you must seek Him on your own.
I once came across a quote that said:
“It’s a flex when you date someone who brings you closer to God and not away from Him.”
That’s the kind of relationship worth having, one where your walk with God deepens, not diminishes.
This doesn’t mean you and your partner won’t face challenges or moments of conflict. But when both of you are grounded in the Word, you’ll have something solid to draw from in those moments. And if one person is weak, the other can gently point back to truth.
Filling your heart with the Word
The psalmist gives us this picture in Psalm 1:1–2:
“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked, or stand in the way that sinners take, or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.”
When your life is surrounded by God’s truth, there’s little room left for confusion, deception, or the enemy’s lies.
The good news is, God isn’t asking you to figure this out in your own strength. That’s why He gave us the Holy Spirit: to guide, to comfort, and to strengthen us in this journey.
He simply asks us to seek Him wholeheartedly:
“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:13
Conclusion: Start with God
At the end of the day, your courtship is only as strong as your individual walks with God. Don’t outsource your spiritual life to your partner. Build your own altar of prayer, your own devotion to the Word, your own intimacy with the Father.
When you know God for yourself, you’ll be better equipped to love, serve, and understand your partner.
And in the next secret, we’ll talk about how this individual pursuit of God overflows into a shared vision and purpose as a couple.
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