This relationship secrets series would be incomplete without broaching the subject of submission. I can’t deny that this is one of the hardest things for us as women. The very word submission often conjures fears:
- Will I still be enough?
- Will I be seen and valued?
- Does this mean I am less than a man?
Maybe you can’t relate to this, but these were my fears as a young girl. I felt like women already had the short end of the stick in life, and adding submission to the mix would only make a bad situation worse.
It didn’t help that in many churches, the teaching on submission was heavy-handed. I lost count of the number of sermons where Ephesians 5:22 was hammered at women while verse 25 (which charges husbands to love sacrificially, as Christ loved the church) was skimmed over. It felt unfair and prejudicial. I even started skipping wedding services and going straight to the reception to avoid hearing another lopsided message!
But as I grew and matured in the Lord, sometimes painfully, with many wrestles, I began to see God’s true heart on the matter. Submission, as God designed it, is not punishment. It is a pathway to joy, elevation, and divine order.
Why Should Women Submit?
The most referenced (and most misunderstood) scripture on submission is Ephesians 5:21–22:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
For years, I wrestled with this verse. But I came to see that biblical submission is not about inferiority. It is about order.
Think about it: before God created the woman, He declared her purpose—a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). The Hebrew word for helper (ezer) is the very same word used to describe God Himself as Israel’s help (Psalm 121:1–2). So submission was never about being lesser; it was about being powerful in a complementary way.
Even in the Trinity, we see divine order:
- Jesus is one with God, yet He submits to the Father (John 5:19).
- The Holy Spirit is fully God, yet He carries out His role as revealer and guide.
If Jesus could be fully equal to the Father yet still submit, then submission cannot mean weakness or inferiority. Instead, it is about embracing God’s design for harmony and responsibility.
Submission in Courtship
Now, let’s bring this closer to home, to your season of courtship or engagement.
You are not yet married, so submission here doesn’t mean blindly following every instruction from your fiancé. But it does mean:
- Learning to cultivate a posture of honor toward the man you are preparing to marry.
- Practicing respect for his leadership, even as you both grow and mature.
- Allowing him to carry responsibility without trying to compete or dominate.
Courtship is the training ground. It’s where you learn whether a man can actually lead with love, and where he learns whether you can follow with grace.
The Husband’s Responsibility
Here’s the beautiful thing: submission was never meant to be a burden on women but a safeguard. The weight of responsibility rests on the man.
God’s design is that the husband will answer to Him for his family’s direction and decisions. That’s why in Genesis, after the fall, God first called out: “Adam, where are you?” (Genesis 3:9).
The buck stops with him, not you. Your submission is not about losing power but about being rightly positioned under God’s covering.
And this is why we must be sure that the man we are in a relationship with (and plan to marry is the man God wants for us), why?
Knowing that makes it easier to submit, because you not only trust that your relationship is part of God’s plan, but that the man will also submit to the headship of Christ in your relationship.
The Blessing of Submission
When we embrace biblical submission, it doesn’t reduce us, it elevates us. It makes room for:
- Joy: because we stop striving for control and rest in God’s order.
- Elevation: because God promotes those who humble themselves under His design (1 Peter 5:6).
- Partnership: because submission and love create an atmosphere where both thrive.
Submission makes room, for peace, for answered prayers (1 Peter 3:1–2), for favor, and for God’s will to flourish in your relationship.
Conclusion
Sisters, submission is not the enemy. It is God’s loving design to protect and elevate you. It doesn’t mean silencing your voice or burying your gifts. It means choosing to trust God’s order, knowing that the man who truly loves you will never use submission to diminish you, but to serve and cover you.
So as you prepare for marriage, start asking yourself: Am I learning to walk in honor and humility? Am I positioned to support the vision God is giving my future husband?
Submission is not about loss, it is about alignment. And alignment always makes room for joy and elevation.
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