How do our thought patterns affect our relationships?

 

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…”

Proverbs 23:7

How you think will not only affect your actions but will also determine how you relate with others. Which means our thought patterns are the building blocks of our actions and words.

What are the things that preoccupy your mind?

Are you more likely to think about negative things, are your thoughts fuelled by faith or fear?

 

Here’s Simi’s story:

Simi had had her heart broken so many times that when she started dating Gordy she was sure the same thing would happen. She was sure she would get caught up in the same drama of lies and deceit.

Gordy had reassured her that he wasn’t like those guys. On one of those occasions when he sensed she was in a deep spiral, he said,

“Simi, you realise that I’m not them. This is not even about me but about God. I love God too much to misuse the beautiful gift and blessing he has given me.”

Simi had been comforted by this and she could see how sincere Gordy was, but whenever they were not together the thoughts would flood her mind; thoughts of him womanizing, thoughts of him not being happy with her and just ‘managing her’.

She couldn’t seem to help how her mind worked, and there was always a part of her waiting for the other shoe to drop—waiting for Gordy to do what the others had done.

Is she right?

‘You are what you think’.

If you’ve ever suffered heartbreak, you can probably relate to Simi’s story. There is often a fear that any new relationship will go the same way. For some of us, the heartbreak may have been so intense that we avoided relationships.

But here’s the thing – time is not the healer, God is.

If we have not taken the hurt, fear, and despair to God then it will bleed into any subsequent relationship.

There are relationships that broke down because one party had unhealed trauma from a past relationship. They acted from a place of anxiety and insecurity which made it difficult for the other party to continue. In a way, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In one of our Lord and Saviour’s teaching, he revealed the danger of wrong thought patterns. Jesus told the people that:

Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth that defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.”

Matthew 15:11

I have learned time and again that we will reap the fruits of what we feed our minds. So, if we are feeding on fear, negativity, anxiety, and distrust, then we will reap those fruits in one way or another. We need to be aware of our thought patterns.

King Solomon understood this when he said,

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

From the above story, Simi needs to work on her thought patterns. She needs to arrest every thought that is not aligned with the word of God.

The Bible says that:

The weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing down every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (emphasis mine)

 

Paul the Apostle also itemizes what we should feed our hearts, he says:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

When we are working from a place of faith and love, we are more likely to see the good first, we are more likely to dwell on the positive, to believe that things will work out.

In Simi’s case, her faith in God would lead her to not only believe Gordy but to trust that the God that connected them has a good plan and that all things will work for their good.

 

 

PRAYER

Lord, I come before your throne of grace, casting every fear and anxiety at your feet. Father, for too long I have held on to the pain of my past. For too long I have made excuses and not allowed your healing power to work in and through me. Lord, I am now ready. I am ready to love fully and be loved. Father, fill me anew with your loving fragrance. Let my thoughts and actions mirror your word, and may I remain in alignment with your truth. Amen

 

Read other posts in the Relationship Secrets Series here.