How to select a marriage mentor

One of the best pieces of advice I received about godly relationships is that you should have someone who can hold you and your partner accountable to your responsibilities in the relationship.

Let me explain.

 

The Need for Accountability

Accountability is the means of holding a person to their words and actions. As a Christian in today’s world, it’s easy to fall away from Biblical truths, if we are not careful.

It is also easy to justify our questionable actions. This is often amplified in relationships where each party may not be aware of their blindside.

Having someone who calls you out on your sin and questionable behaviour can change the very tone of your relationship. It can help you remain aligned with God’s will and your responsibilities in the relationship.

Do you have someone like this in your life?

Someone you respect and honour enough to listen to them. Does your partner have someone like this, as well?

If you don’t, here are five things to consider in selecting such a person:

 

1. Someone who the Holy Spirit leads

You want to subject yourself to the authority and leadership of one who is already subject to God. That way, you recognise that they are more likely to speak or advise you from a Biblical standpoint, rather than just from their own feelings and experiences.

 

2. One who is honourable.

An honourable person is one who is “deserving of respect or high regard and characterised by integrity.” (Merriam Webster Dictionary)

In deciding this, you can ask:

“Is this person going to tell me the truth?”

“Am I seeing the fruits of what I want in their life?”

If they are often reluctant to tell you the truth or you see them struggling with the very same things that you are struggling with then they may not be the best fit (unless HS says otherwise).

 

3. One who is trustworthy.

A romantic relationship is one of the most vulnerable relationships. It comes with revealing a lot about yourself. This also means that your accountability person will be privy to some of this information.

You want someone you can trust with your sensitive information. You want someone who will respect boundaries and will not use your story as a gist.

 

4. One who is invested in your relationship more than in you.

I heard this from a friend a while ago and it stuck with me.

Basically, you want to be accountable to someone who is not trying to be on your side. See, a kingdom relationship or marriage is not about fault-finding or blame throwing, it is about the continuous coming together of a couple to achieve God’s kingdom plan.

In essence, you want someone who will commiserate with you but will not pander to your feelings or expectations. You want someone who will speak the truth in love, rather than try to take sides.

Now that is a powerful accountability partner.

5. One who is available.

They may be all the above, but if they do not have the time or are unable to make the time, you will not enjoy the benefits of their counsel and accountability.

You need someone whom you and your partner can call on, where necessary. You don’t want them available 24/7(they have their own lives and are not beholden to you), but you do want to know that when the rubber hits the road, they will be there.

 

Conclusion:

While having an earthly accountability partner is great and can be helpful for many, it is not mandatory. Do you know why?

Because we already have the best accountability partner if only, we will make the most of that relationship.

God gave us the gift of His Spirit, to help, guide, counsel, and strengthen us. That’s the whole package.

 

Prayer

I pray that you will continue to submit to the leading and power of the Holy Spirit. May He guide you into all truth concerning your relationship and help you remain aligned with His plans for your future. Amen

God gave us the gift of His Spirit, to help, guide, counsel, and strengthen us. That’s the whole package.

 

For more on this series, read here.