One Prayer Mistake Single Women Make

You know how you want something so bad that it takes over your mind and senses. Every waking moment seems to be filled with this desire.

I certainly do!

For the first ten years of my life, I was the baby of the house, which meant I got to pester my parents for stuff and would usually get it.

I was known for my tenacity and my ability to persevere in my quest.

However, my interest often waned soon after I got the item.

Almost like the real desire was in the process of acquisition not in the having, or maybe it was that I found that the item or experience usually didn’t live up to my imagination or expectation.

You may be wondering where I am going with this.

After all, prayer and mistake are not words one would usually find together.

But I believe it is applicable to many of us, especially when it comes to relationships.

In a previous post, I talked about the problems of singleness, particularly how internal and external pressures heighten our desire for marriage and companionship.

But there is also another aspect that challenges our singleness, and that is our desire to get what we ‘want’.

And in our quest to get what we want, we implement a few measures: we may strategize, daydream, scheme and sometimes we may pray.

Of course, prayer is often the last juncture for many of us, but it is still one of the tools in our arsenal.

 

What do single women pray about?

We often pray to get what we want.

And like that little me who pestered my parents, we may pester God to give us what we want.

Let me be clear:

We pester God to give us the man we want.

We take certain Bible verses out of context to lobby God.

A popular one is:

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart”

Psalm 37:4

It seems straightforward, right?

So, we make it transactional, we sing a few praise songs, attend a few church events and then remind God of ‘all we have done,’ and tell him to hold up his part of the bargain.

And in the throes of our desire, we miss the grundnorm of our Christian life.

The very thing that holds it all together – our trust in God.

And that is our mistake.

The prayer mistake of single women

The prayer mistake, we, single women make and continue to make is we pray for the man we want not the man we need.

I think I need to reiterate this statement just in case you missed it.

One key prayer we often miss as single women is that we are so focused on our desire that we don’t pay attention or consider what God is saying or what is actually right for us.

A professor I know recently said that we humans ‘tend to think we are reasoning things but we often spend time rationalizing things and trying to persuade others.’

It was as if he was in my mind, listening to the battle waging inside of me. The battle between what my flesh wanted and what was necessary for my spirit and soul.

We often think we are being logical and rational; we think what we want makes sense but if we looked deeper, we may find that it holds no water.

That we had no business praying the way we were.

I know I made this mistake countless times.

Growing up, I was the queen of crushes. No, I didn’t crush on many guys but when I did, it was epic…LOL.

I built up fantasies in my head and created perfect representations of these men, which was often so far from who they were or were ever likely to be.

But I didn’t seem to care!

In an earlier post, I shared the story of how I had a three-year crush on a guy during college. I was so sure he was the one that I spent quite a bit of time asking God ‘how far now?’ ‘Make it happen, lord?’

Thank God nothing happened.

Today, I can barely remember this guy, except to share stories like this.

And I can bet you that I probably would have been disappointed by the reality as I had spent so much time, no, I had invested so much time in our fairy-tale that reality would surely have been a letdown.

And I know I am not alone.

 

How single women should pray

I have read and heard many stories of single Christian women who were singular in their prayer points. They spent so much time asking God to make a particular person like them or to make a flailing relationship work.

The time that could have been better utilized.

So much time and effort are invested in praying these sorts of prayers, almost forgetting other aspects of our lives.

We tell ourselves, that the particular guy (whoever he may be), must be the one.

We are blinded by the romance or lack thereof and paint a picture of our ‘ever-after,’ one that is filled with idealism and devoid of realism.

And we miss the more important prayer.

The prayer that we all must pray!

The prayer that every single woman must utter, even if they are the hardest words she ever speaks.

And that prayer is also simple, it is:

“Not my will but Thine be done”

At the heart of who we are and what matters is this one reminder – it’s not about us.

Now, I say this knowing how hard it is to pray this prayer. How terrifying it is to let go of this area of our lives, and to hand it off  – hook, line, and sinker – to God.

This does not mean that we don’t tell God what we want, no, it simply means that we subject our wants to his will and plans for us.

 

Correcting our prayer mistakes

If we truly want peace, and we truly want what’s best for us, then we need to pray differently.

In the garden of Gethsemane, our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ was faced with this undeniable truth. He could choose to do the father’s will or do his. Imagine if he had done his own will, which at the time would have been not to die?

There would have been no Christianity, no salvation.

Now, your relationship may not hold in balance the fate of the world, but it may hold in balance your life and the life of your children, grandchildren, and all those who will come from you.

Do you now realize how far-reaching our decision can be?

How important it is that who we date or marry is not just the person we want, but the person God has for us.

 

Conclusion

I will confess that this post is a lot to take on in one sitting.

I don’t know how things have been for you, perhaps, you have been feeling sad and depressed due to a lack of a boyfriend or husband, but I hope the words of this post remind you that your Heavenly Father knows what you are going through.

God sees our challenges and our struggles, even before we speak the words, he knows but he needs you to trust him completely. Allow him to be God in your life, pray for his will to be done not yours and watch him do what only he can.

I have shared below a prayer and Bible verse to encourage and strengthen you. Please don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comments. I love hearing from you all.

 

“Therefore take no thought saying ‘what shall we eat…for your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye need all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.”

Matthew 6:31,33

 

Prayer for the single girl willing to let go:

Lord God, thank you for your word and this reminder to trust you completely with my relationships. Father, I know I have been selfish in my desires. I have made it about me and what I want, forgetting that you are the one who knows what I truly need.

Lord, please help me surrender fully to you. Help me subject my wants and desires to your good and perfect will. In Jesus name. Amen