Okay, I have to say it.
Many of us have an unhealthy view of how a great marriage works. We simply believe it just happens.
How do I know?
Because I caught myself thinking that way not long ago.
I was reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey when this line stopped me mid-page:
“Sharon and I have a great marriage — not perfect, but great…We have a great marriage because we work at it, make it a priority, and seek knowledge on marriage.”
My first reaction was to pause and honestly, I felt a little uncomfortable.
Here I was, someone who has taken marriage classes, shared relationship insights, and learned from godly couples, yet this simple statement exposed something in me.
Somewhere deep inside, the hopeless romantic in me, the one who grew up on fairytales and “happily ever after” movies, still wanted to believe that great marriages just happen. That once you find “your person,” everything else flows naturally.
But that’s not true.
The Fairytale Illusion
We’ve been conditioned to believe that love is a magical feeling that carries you through every season. That if God brings two people together, everything will fall into place.
But here’s the truth: a God-ordained marriage still requires God-centered effort.
Even the best love stories take work; intentional communication, forgiveness, humility, and grace. What makes a marriage beautiful isn’t the absence of struggle; it’s two people choosing each other daily, even when it’s hard.
I’ve heard women say things like,
“If I marry the right man, it shouldn’t be this hard.”
But the right man doesn’t remove the need for growth. He is not perfect, just as you, and living together will require moments of learning, unlearning, and relearning. The right man simply becomes your partner in the process.
What I’m Learning
That statement by Dave Ramsey reminded me that great marriages aren’t discovered, they’re developed.
They don’t “just happen.” They’re nurtured by two people who are willing to:
- Work at it when emotions fade.
- Make it a priority even when life gets busy.
- Seek knowledge when they don’t have all the answers.
And isn’t that how every relationship with meaning grows? Whether it’s our walk with God, our friendships, or our calling, nothing truly worthwhile thrives without commitment and care.
Why This Matters for Singles
For many of us single women (especially those of us who are 35 and above), this myth of effortless love can subtly shape our expectations.
We may think, “If I’m struggling to connect or communicate, maybe it’s not the right person.” But sometimes, it’s not that it’s wrong, but that it’s real.
Marriage is not a fairytale. It’s a covenant. And covenants are sustained by grace, not magic.
So as you prepare for your “forever love,” remember this:
You’re not waiting for perfection. You’re preparing to partner with someone in purpose.
A beautiful marriage doesn’t just happen, it’s built by two people who have surrendered to God and to the process of growth.
And that’s far more lasting than any fairytale ever written.
Question for You:
Have you ever held onto an unrealistic idea about marriage? What would it look like to replace that with God’s truth about love and covenant?
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