Unrequited love is hard.
It is that beautiful and thoughtful gift a recipient thrusts away, uninterested by the acts of the giver. It strikes right at our hearts and leaves us bereft – emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Life becomes a haze, a foggy mirror of what could have been and we’re left swinging through moments of hope and hopelessness.
My story
I remember the first time I saw him. It was the first day of school and he had on a jumper with the words ‘peaceful hooligan’ across the back. I felt a gentle thrill glide down my spine, it was deep and unexpected, a sure sign that I was in trouble.
I hadn’t asked for this. The plan had been to focus on school and leave the world of dating and relationships to life after school.
But I carried the torch for years. I couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was the one…I kept wishing, and praying, and dreaming but nothing ever happened. I was never anything more than his classmate.
I finally had to accept the fact that it would never be.
Though it hurt.
In some ways, I had created a life around him. I had even done a bit of stalking justifying my actions on the “connection”. How little I knew.
Then again, what if I had spent time with him, where he showed me how much I meant to him, in actions, even if not, in words, and then he goes on to marry another? How much more would that have hurt?
This happened to Corrie ten Boom.
Corrie’s Story
She fell for her brother’s friend in her late teens. She knew he was the one. They wrote to each other and whenever he visited, they spent time talking, going on walks and sharing their hopes and dreams.
She believed he would propose soon enough. But he didn’t. This continued for a few years then one day, he visits her family with a woman in tow. A woman he introduces as his fiancée. Corrie writes that she held it together until he left and raced to her room to cry. She was utterly broken.
How could her Karel, the one she loved so much and whom she believed loved her, marry another?
She would later find out that his family had mandated he marry a rich girl to help their financial situation. This was in the 1920’s
Corrie’s story brought back memories, memories of a broken heart and a broken girl. Her tears where reminders of the many tears I cried, of relationships that never happened and those that did but shouldn’t have. It was a time when I taught aches and pains would never heal.
Corrie had one thing I wish I had during those years, she had a father who understood heartbreak but more than that, a father who understood the love of God.
During one of her crying bouts, her father said this to her:
“Love is the most powerful force in the world, but when it is blocked it is so painful. But that doesn’t stop it. Ask God to give you the right channel to give your love expression.”
Corrie’s father knew that it hurts so bad when love is stifled. When we are unable to express the depths of our hearts through words and actions.
What struck me was that he reminded her that God saw her heart. That God knew the pain and heartache she felt. That God could see every tear down her face and every scream that escaped her lips. He showed her that God cared.
That changed everything.
Corrie writes that her father’s words changed her perspective. She realized she couldn’t get over Karel herself. More than that, she realized that her love for Karel wasn’t wrong but it was time to channel it the right way.
God worked on her heart and soon enough she was praying for Karel and his new bride. She was truly happy for him and never held it against him.
This was an inspiring story and only a small part of all the amazing things that happened to Corrie ten Boom. She lived an incredible life of love, sacrifice and trust. She never married but she served faithfully knowing that she had a lover who would never leave nor forsake her.
Corrie’s story is a beautiful representation of God’s love. It reminded me that God doesn’t shy away from our mess. I wish I had known these during times my pain and guilt held me down. Times when I thought I would suffocate from the weight of carrying my burdens.
I share this story because it’s never too late to learn what we must.
God alone has the balm for our broken hearts. He has the power to channel our love, to channel our deep longings in a way that heals our hearts and glorifies him.
Don’t despair!
Don’t fall into a harmful pattern that has you depressed and unable to live the full life you were called to.
The author and creator of this world can make all things new.
He has the instruments to turn your pain to joy. To change your perspective and align your life to his plans and purposes.
Whether it is a love that is unrequited or a relationship that goes belly-up, I pray you ask your loving father to heal your heart. Ask him to do what only he can do and remember that he loves you with an everlasting love.
P.S.: the book I referred to is – The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. I recommend this book a thousand times.
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