Can you imagine a life where our prayers are answered just the way we want?
Where we are sure of an immediate yes, even in our relationships – that would be great, right?
This is even more poignant after a dry spell (those who know, know??).
But what if God says NO?
How do you accept God’s will for your relationship when it’s the exact opposite of what you wanted or expected?
When God says no to your relationship
This happened to me.
I thought I had met an amazing guy, but when I prayed about the relationship, I received a No in my spirit.
This was scary and unexpected for two reasons;
- Firstly, the clarity and speed of that word was like nothing I had ever encountered. I was a bit confused and wondered if it was my mind playing tricks on me.
- Secondly, it was just one word with no prefix or accompanying words.
I tried to analyze this word because if it meant what I knew in my heart, I would have to break off the relationship.
Dear friend, have you ever been in a similar position? Holding on to a man who you know is all wrong for you?
Maybe in your case, he is an unbeliever, doesn’t love God as you do, or is just not the man God wants for you.
Are you able to let go or do you hold on hoping things will change and there will be peace in your spirit?
I tried to do this but there was no peace. I tried to drag it out, I battled in my spirit but still no peace. I finally got to a point where I knew I could no longer work in disobedience.
I can honestly tell you that when I finally let go, I felt so much better and found peace.
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How to Accept God’s will in your relationship
Here are six lessons I learned and what to do when God says no to your relationship:
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Pray about your relationship
The first and most important lesson is for us to bring every relationship in our lives before the throne of grace. God has to be at the center of that relationship. Even where you believe the man is the right one for you and ticks all the boxes. When we pray, let us do it in a manner where we seek God’s will and not ours. Let us remind him of his word that he has “…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)
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When God answers your prayers, obey immediately.
Even where it wasn’t what you expected or wanted, you need to obey immediately. You will save yourself so much time, pain, and heartache, and of course, it means you will not miss out on the blessings of obeying or suffer the consequences of your inaction.
While I was struggling with making the right decision, I noticed that I floundered in my personal projects and all the plans I had hoped to achieve. More importantly, my relationship with God suffered. I was living in disobedience and running from him.
“…to obey is better than sacrifice…” 1 Samuel 15:22(NIV)
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Be careful what you accept especially when it is contrary to God’s word.
I have often heard that what you accept is what you believe and I mostly agree.
In today’s world where we are bombarded with all sorts of advice, information, and guides to having a great life, it is quite easy to get sidetracked and start believing things that are not in line with God’s word.
In my mind’s eye, I believed that I deserved a great guy who would make things seamless. This is not a bad thing per se, it becomes dangerous when our thoughts are not in line with God’s will for our lives.
What sort of self-talk do you indulge in? Are you filling your mind with the right things?
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The Place of Friends
I had spoken to one of my friends during this period and she encouraged me to continue in the relationship. I know she meant well because she told me I was overthinking things, which I’m usually guilty of.
Of course, I accepted her counsel because it was what I wanted to hear. I wanted somebody who will make indulging in my own selfish desires, okay.
Friends are amazing and necessary in life but be careful what sort of friends you keep. Our friends play a huge role in making or maring us if we let them. Read more on how to make the right friends.
Many times, we let people tell us what to do. I know how many times I was told I was too picky, too independent and whatnot, simply because I wasn’t dating anyone. Don’t let anyone put that pressure on you. ‘Know your truth!’
“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6(NKJV)
Make friends that build you up, people who understand deep things and aren’t afraid to tell you the truth. Look for friends who are dedicated to the things of God and use the Bible (not the world) as their yardstick for life.
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There is a time and a season for everything
The Bible tells us that “to everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven…a time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted” Ecclesiastes 3:1-2(NIV).
I had to remind myself that being single is not a thing of shame or anguish. I don’t know what you are going through, what mountains may seem insurmountable or what burdens you are having to bear but I want to remind you that it is only for a season.
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When you are not sure, ask for clarification
Where you have prayed and are not sure if the words you received are from God, you can go back to him for clarification. God is not a man that will get upset with you if you keep coming back.
He loves you more than you could ever know or imagine and it is indeed better working in clarity and purpose than when things are hazy. Building and nurturing our relationship with God is a great way to know what he expects of us and how to understand his will.
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Trusting God is a continuous process
While I was in that relationship, I received periodic prompts to leave the relationship. God reminded me time and again that this wasn’t for me and that I needed to trust him to do his thing.
A part of me wishes I had made the decision to leave earlier but the truth was that along the way, I forgot to ask the Holy Spirit for help and was trying to do it on my own, which we all know is fruitless.
We need to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
In Closing
The woman I am today is indeed grateful for this experience and the lessons learned. More importantly, I pray that this post will help you learn how to accept God’s will in your relationship and encourage you to make the hard but right decision about your relationships.
Have you had a similar experience?
Please share your story.
As a single woman until I was 40 (and unsaved), I well remember dating wrong guys. I never asked God about right or wrong. About a year after I was saved, I prayed that He show me the right one. I met a guy not long after, and almost audibly heard the affirmation “this one’s for you.” We’ve been married almost 30 years. The Lord is never wrong.
Wow! That’s amazing, Peggy. Indeed, God is never late. He is ever faithful and will provide what we need. Thank you so much for sharing.
I just want to say this post is so encouraging. God bless you.
hey, I have a question for you. Me and my girlfriend are trying to follow God’s will, and she claims that she also heard an almost-audible voice from God that said, “be with the one safe to righteousness”. Now she thinks that means me, because I am a saved Christian and I was the one who brought her to the Lord. What do you think of this? Thank you and have a great day! 🙂
Amazing,am 42 years old and am praying for a similar miracle.
These are great points! Isn’t funny how we pray to God and then when he answers our prayer with the wrong answer, we don’t accept his answer? I, too, have tried to find a friend who tells me what I want to hear, but the truth is that we don’t need those kinds of friends. Thanks for taking the time to write this to encourage us that we all need to obey God’s voice no matter the answer.
Chioma, this is an amazing article, as always! You are amazing……… you covered every point, before my mind got there………….. I am grateful for your ministry, and wish I had you in my circle of friends when I was a young woman. NOW, I will share and tag in every way that I can, to help the wisdom roll. God bless you dear ((*))
Thank you so much for your kind words, Tammy. I am truly grateful for your support and your amazing heart. I’m so happy to know that you found this helpful and would love for you to share it.
Chioma. Sis, I love your blog. Keep on being an encouragement. I’m always scared to pray when it comes to relationships because I know if God says no it’s gonna be a struggle letting go. But he’s a good good father and he only wants the best for us. There’s always so much peace in doing His will.
Hi Moji, thank you so much for your kind words. I do know what you mean. We want to pray but we’re not sure we will like the answer so we choose to just go with the flow. My last experience has reminded me of the need to pray from the get go.
May God strengthen us to pray without fear of his answer and to obey him, even when it hurts.
Wow! Great article…….these apply to a man also! Thank you.
Thanks a lot, James. Yes, they would apply to men too.
I was in a dark place searching for answers when I saw this. Thank you
Hi Nadine, so glad to know you found this post helpful. How are things going? Please reach out to me if you need to talk. God bless you, dear.
what do you do if you’ve already prayed about a relationship and God has very clearly said this is the person he has for you but that person has only been willing to be friends so far. I am best friends with somebody that I knew in high school and we reconnected after I prayed about talking to him on Facebook. God has clearly guided me and all the steps that I’ve made but the other person has said he doesn’t have feelings for me and he just thinks of me as a friend. What should I do?
Don’t force it. You do not know what Gods timing is or what God is doing in that man’s life right now. I’ve been there and had a physical sign and confirmaofrom God 24 hours later. Needless to say he was going a whole sifferydirection in life and not acting or living the way I knew him to be. But I held on to what I believed God spoke and showed us both. It took 3 years for me to leave and I agonized all 3 of those years. We had already been together for 3. Now I am married to someone else and come to find out my ex had cheated but so has my now husband after 7 years of marriage and while I think I should have waited for God to bring around my ex. God was working on him and I had plans set in motion. So here I am today still waiting to see what Gods will is for my marriage because I don’t want it to be my time and inpatientence again.
This article has really helped me am in a situation were i dated this guy for 3years this last year September I started praying to God for directions after one week I got a revelation from God I was bathing and I started hearing questions what kind of a man are you looking for I said someone who is God fearing someone who’s got respectres cares and loves me for me another question came do you see these qualities in your boyfriend I started crossing and ticking and I discovered I crossed alot so I decided to have a word with him I called him mate at his place I told him I want you to be honest with me cause it’s very important he said ok so I went like when do you intend on settling down he said not any time soon 3 to 5 years per say and he said he was not ready for any serious commitment so I told him thanks alot for telling me the truth cause I was in the dark so I told him am moving on he agreed one week later he started calling and saying am sorry you asked me the right question at a wrong time bla bla bla meanwhile I confirmed that God has shown me that he was not the right one for me for 4 months in that four months I mate someone who after 3 weeks of knowing each other he wanted to marry me so I was like why is he in a rush I barely know him my friends adviced me that the devil you know is better than the angel you dont know and my ex was still begging me he told me you dont know that guy properly da da da da so I decided to go back to him I gave him a second chance this time I really wanted it to work I fell in love with him again then he tells when I left he found girl his been chatting with they even started dating but he doesn’t love her and assured me he was going to break up with her men I suffered this guy dint tell the girl his back with me but she would find my messages in his phone she would insult me humiliate I could send them to the guy the only thing I could get was he doesn’t know what to do cause the girl is stubborn so then this year in on 6th may I decided to leave him with the other girl since it was hard for him to choose between me he dated for 3 years and the girl he knew for 3months do a month ago someone asked me out but I never gave him the response I was hoping that one day he will realise and come back to me but non of that happened so on 6th may 2019 I texted him that I had endured alot of insults from the other girl and that i tried to wait but i cant wait anymore maybe we were never ment to be and that i was moving on he dint say any i blocked everywhere i then accepted the knew person i had to face my fear which was beginning to know someone having them show you the sweet side later discover the bad side later that’s why I kept going back to my ex this time I was determined I accepted this man 4 days later my ex come home kneeling down asking for forgiveness when am trying to move on and am with someone now and he seems like a good man what do I do I have already lent it the hard way but I still love my ex tho I feel his not for me please advise me
Don’t waste your feelings and love on someone who doesn’t value or care about the way you feel.
Come on, this is someone who’s just playing with your feelings.. It’s difficult I know but you’ve got to leave. In your spirit you know you have to leave but your flesh and heart keeps telling you you can’t. Block every communication with him and give another person the chance and it will surprise you how God will turn things around. He’ll give you beauty for ashes he’ll rewrite your story beautifully. Just give God the just and trust him fully. Starve your fears and feed your faith and it will surprise you how God will make everything beautiful. God bless you
Thanks Chioma, you are Amazing. God never fail.
I was in a relationship for four years with the hope that is a God’s will relationship. Early November 2018 she called me said she has found another guy.I got heart broken. I pray to God for His divine connection, not long after I met someone who I prated to God if she’s the rightful. I received affirmation ‘she’s Heaven sent’.
Dear Ma’am
This is so well written
Your every word has touched my mind and soul deeply.
Your mighty words have provided me with the strength I was looking out for.
Thanks a tonne.
I am in a situation where in God solved my dilemma but it very difficult for me to come to terms with it
Because it is against what I wanted
I have got very emotionally attached to someone but we cannot be a part of eachother’s life due to certain reasons
Things are very complicated in our case.
Through various signals God always guided me that this is not meant to be.
So I had to end it thus I am going through lot of guilt of hurting that someone so special whom I never wanted to hurt ,I never wanted to leave him But had to.He is very sensitive person and has already gone through alot.
I feel I should have never entered his life I feel I have made his life miserable.
I failed to maintain our relation
I failed to reciprocate
I feel trapped in these emotions
I felt nobody could help me out through it.
So Googled How to accept god’s will
and fortunately across this beautiful piece.
Thanks alot
God bless u always
May he do the best for you
May this new year bring u lots of bliss,peace,good health and success in ur every endeavour.
Thanks once again
Best of Best wishes
Hello Kiri, thank you so much for your comment and amen to your prayers.
Glad you found the post helpful. May God continue to guide and strengthen on this journey.
You can definitely pray for this guy but remember that God sees everything and if he says you should let go, then you need to no matter how the other person may feel.
All the best dear and happy new year.
Hi I have found your post very helpful.
My fiancee just let me after 11 months of engagement, saying he saw a man telling him am not the one he would marry.
Am confused because I have been having a yes no yes no from God, I know he is not an author of confusion, am so broken,can’t let go,we were like twins ,I don’t know how to let go, we work in the same environment. please help
Hello Ms. Gold. I’ve been going thru a lot of Chioma’s posts and stumbled across your comment. Ms, I have been where you are. Countless times, I must say. But one thing I know is that if you seek God fervently, he’ll not only answer you but give you your hearts desires. Though we may be unfaithful, he remains faithful because he cannot deny himself. I hope and pray you have been helped.
Thank you, Kela.
I’m talking to someone for 5 months I’ve been seeking God to show me if he’s My husband I was keeping my morning devotion one morning when suddenly I heard a voice saying he’s your husband i started crying God this is not what I really wanna hear !!!..you know you complete me!!.. but then I remember saying thank you Jesus, but after the worship and everything. I fail to believed I dont know why there’s just a part of me saying try the spirit of God I fast I prayed but still why can’t I accept it if God said ….I’ve been broken heart before I don’t know if that’s the reason. am struggling to believed, am scared and don’t want want happen in the past to happen again it’s like a little part of me saying the devil can do can do stuff let it looks like God doing it
Hello chioma, I have been in a dilemma for sometime, I have been seeking for God’s revelation in a relationship. I have seen pastors concerning the issue ANS she has also seen. Majority said NO while few said YES. What can I do?
Hi, I’m in a long distance relationship (started close distance but I moved for college) and I just recently been guided back home to Christ. I am absolutely confused and feel in the dark rn. I love this man he has the sweetest soul and loves me to death and wants to marry me and always talks about how much he needs me but he’s very much stuck in his way of sin that I used to participate in but thankfully God changed my heart and I have no desire for that kind of life anymore. I pray for guidance everyday for what to do. I know I need a partner who is spiritually mature and can lead me closer to God but part of me feels it’s unfair to just drop him because I got saved. I pray for him to find God and I encourage him to talk to God and he says he believes and he should but I’m not sure if he does. I’m not sure what to do. I told him We need to take a break so I can sort thing through and think but we still end up texting everyday and I’m just so lost. This quarantine has just been so overwhelming. I’m so thankful though that God opened my eyes and brought me home. Any tips how to hear his guidance more clearly? Is there anything in the Bible that talks about this? Any tips would be greatly appreciated ❤️
Thank you so much for this messaged.. It definitely came across and it enlightened me so much.. So for the past couple of months I have been pondering whether the person I am with is the right one for me. Don’t get me wrong I am not contemplating just because I saw something bad about him. In fact, he’s very loving, kind, humble, family oriented and very close to my parents. On top of that he loves me very much… I am even somewhat thankful to God for letting me meet him bcos he’s such a wonderful person. My boyfriend and I planned our future together on how when we will get married and have kids together, or what it will be once we finish our university.. I love him very much and he loves me. He’s an unbeliever and I tried bringing him to church and sometimes I would share the word of God.. I don’t know if but one time he told me, how can he see what I’m trying to say about God if he cant see it in me. I have to admit I am not perfect and I make mistakes too.. but I felt guilty inside and every time I would share Godly message I would remember that statement.. I love this person so much that I pray to God that one day he will touch my boyfriend’s heart and become born again or accept God.. Lately, I have been feeling guilty since I feel that my relationship with this person is not what God wants for me.. I have read the Bible about this and it drew me to Romans 12:2 and I remembered what God said about love, that it is patient… I failed miserably, I failed to treasure myself and I feel guilty everyday… I love him so much but I am having a sense that no matter how good of a man he is, he is not for me.. I don’t know what to do and its hard for me because I am emotionally attached to this man. I am always putting into my mind and hoping that one day, this person will know who God is… Is that really the case? I dont know. Pls give me an advice.. Thank you so much! God Bless. Sorry for the long story
This was such a timely word. Very well said and full of wisdom! Keep shining your gift of sharing his word!
Thank you so much, Kareem. Thank God for how he shows up for us and teaches us his word.