Have you ever felt the pain of guilt and shame?
If you have, then you know how debilitating it can be. How the pain can be so intense that we are left in a ball of misery, afraid to live our lives for fear of judgment and derision.
It can also leave us with regret, regret that we can neither go back to change our actions or erase it all from our memory.
For many Christian girls like me, pre-marital sex is a big shame sticker.
It is one that holds on to us and never let’s go.
The narrative we often hear amplifies this shame, making us feel unworthy and unforgivable, especially when we hear that virginity for women is the ultimate form of purity making anything else not good enough.
Many years ago, while I was still dealing with the guilt of my sexual choices in a past relationship, I was selected by my priest’s wife to speak on virginity. It was one of the worst speeches of my life.
The words failed me and intensified my shame and unease.
By giving me that task, she had unknowingly heaped coals on the burning lump that was once my heart. I felt everyone would see me and know what I had done. They would judge me like I had a stamp of unworthy written across my forehead.
Ah! The stories we tell ourselves.
That one mistake in a relationship haunted me for a long time until I finally accepted that God had forgiven me and wiped my slate clean. Looking back, I realize there were two reasons why it was hard to accept God’s healing and forgiveness:
- I was still inundated with the belief that only virgins were pure and virtuous.
- I still couldn’t forgive myself for letting God down and doing something I had promised to never do until marriage.
The first issue was one of a wrong theology fuelled by fear, and the second was pride. I had unconsciously elevated these reasons above my savior’s forgiveness by paying lip service to his word but not acting on it.
What about you?
Can you relate to my story?
Maybe for you, your sexual choices are still an area of shame and contention. Perhaps, you are still not sure what it all means and continue to struggle with your past decisions and present choices.
See, we have an adversary whose sole mission is to derail God’s children. He does this by heaping on the guilt and shame. He is the accuser of the brethren, reminding us of our decisions and how we’ve messed up.
Thank God we have a heavenly father who has set us free from the power of fear and shame.
In 2015, I felt the Lord gently remind me that reliving my mistakes was not the way to learn from them but to remain burdened by them. He also showed me that he could use this mess for a message, and in November 2017, I got a chance to share my story. I had planned to talk about something else, had even prepared a PowerPoint presentation. But as I got up to speak, I felt the Lord tell me it was time. At first, there was that fear that I would be judged but then I remembered that whom the Lord has set free is free indeed.
I had been set free, and God now wanted to work through me to set others free.
After my session, I felt light and happy because I knew God had helped me overcome a stronghold. My story was out there and it didn’t matter. The devil could no longer use it against me or force me to cower.
In fact, some of the participants walked up to me later to thank me. Imagine that!
Only God could have done this.
What about you? Why have you been holding on to your sexual past?
Perhaps, you believe that holding on is your way of paying penance. Or maybe you’re still grappling with the fact that God can forgive you? You feel you’ve been so bad that you’re beyond redemption.
Sis, please do not allow fear or pride to stop you from seeking and accepting the healing balm of forgiveness. Allow the Lord to complete His work in you.
The Bible says:
I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
Isaiah 43:25
I love it when God extends His loving kindness to humanity for HIS NAMESAKE.
In Conclusion
God is able and willing to redeem us, every part of us, including our sexual past. Don’t hide it from him. His forgiveness and healing power will abound if only we are willing to let go and let God.
Finally, I will leave you with these reminders:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17(NKJV)
Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”
John 8:36(NKJV)
Sis, walk in the fullness of God’s freedom over your life. Raise your head high as the daughter of the Most-High God. You matter because you are His. Amen
Thanks for your encouraging messages to all of us who want to live a meaningful single life.
Hello Essie, thanks for your comment. May God direct and strengthen us in this season. ??
I was looking for one thing on the internet and found another. Your blog! I read plenty blogs but I have not joined any communities. I guess I’m being different now days. I appreciate the anointing that has been placed on you to be able to reach women like myself who just got out of a starving relationship. Man being unequally yoke is a trip! Anyway..,I can totally relate to this topic. After I lost my virginity I would surely insure what I thought would be the pain of a lifetime. For many years I felt ashamed of my sexual misbehaviors and I felt the shame of a ton of bricks on my soul. I would cry and then get back into God’s good graces and then backslide. This has been a struggle throughout my life. I would be lying if I did not say God is going to come for his. He has taught me to forgive myself immediately and try again and like other things in my life this will eventually no longer be an issue. I learn something every single time that makes me a little stronger for the next time. And when I tell you I run! I literally am out of there lol. I absolutely try to find any excuse and or distraction that will keep me moving forward. So I appreciate being able to share my testimony with others.
Thank you! Many blessings be unto you 🙂
Hello LaParsha, thank you so much for sharing your experience and testimony. It’s amazing how loving and faithful our father is. He is continually calling us to come to him for strength and restoration. Letting go of our sexual past is not an easy task but certainly possible with his grace and love.
My prayer is that more women will accept God’s forgiveness and have the strength to also forgive themselves. “…if the son sets you, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36).
May we continually walk in God’s freedom. Amen.
Hi Chioma,
I recently stumbled across your blog and can’t tell you how it has helped me making a critical decision concerning a relationship I’ve been in. I’d love to connect with you if possible and recently followed you on twitter. Thank you for using your voice to minister to us.
Hello Anne, thank you so much for your kind words. I am so glad you’ve found the posts helpful. Do reach out here. Looking forward to connecting with you. ?