Have you counted the cost of marriage?

The world sold us a lie.

A lie wrapped in romance, fairytales, and impossible loves. From Disney princesses to rom-coms, the script is often the same: a handsome man swoops in, sweeps the woman off her feet, and they ride into the sunset to “happily ever after.”

But no one tells you what happens after the sunset.

Many of us are drawn to the idea of marriage, not always because we understand its weight, but because we are chasing the story the world has told us. We long for companionship, for love, for a family of our own, all of which are beautiful and godly desires.

But here’s the question: have you counted the cost of marriage?

 

The Fairytale vs. God’s Design

I once read a book where the author shared how, growing up, she dreamed of her wedding day almost every time. She had the dress, the décor, even the song she would walk down the aisle to. But when she eventually got married, she confessed, “I planned for the wedding, but I didn’t plan for the marriage.”

That’s the danger of fairytales. They make us prepare for a day and not for a lifetime.

The Bible paints a very different picture. Marriage is not built on endless romance or flawless ease. It’s built on sacrifice, submission, and love that mirrors Christ Himself.

• “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
• “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)

Christ loved through sacrifice.

He laid down His life. And wives are called to submit, not as doormats, but as women who trust God’s order and design.

This is not a fairytale. This is a covenant.

 

Counting the Cost of a God-Ordained Marriage

When Jesus taught about discipleship, He said:

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost…?” (Luke 14:28)

Marriage is no different. It is a holy calling, and before you step into it, you must count the cost.

• Sacrifice: Are you willing to lay down your preferences for another person? It’s not always about what you want, but about what will build the marriage.

• Service: Marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. Both giving their all, even when the other falls short.

• Submission to God: If both husband and wife are not surrendered to God, then marriage easily turns into a power struggle instead of a partnership under Christ.

 

A Reality Imagined

I have seen couples on socials depict this fairytale marriage. Picture-perfect couples who showed us what we imagined was an impossible yet alluring love, only to break up or divorce years down the line. You have probably seen them too…
And I have always wondered why?

Why the need to paint a different picture to the rest of the world. One may say they did it to grow and earn, but I wonder if they also did it to somehow reshape their reality?

DId they do it knowing that marriage wasn’t what they imagined and it was up to them to reshape it, even if only superficially?

While I may never know the answer to these questions, I do know that how we show up in a marriage matters. What we believe, what we choose to die to will also be reflected in our forever life.

We are not called to be disciples just when things are going good and we are in a good mood, but every single day of our lives.

Our Lord and Saviour said:

“Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”

Luke 9:23 NIV

It’s a daily act.

 

Why This Matters for Singles

As single women, many of us pray for marriage. But do we know what we’re asking for? Do we want the reality or just the idea?

Because marriage is not just about finding someone tall, dark, and handsome who makes your heart race.

It’s about finding someone who can go the long road with you: who will serve, sacrifice, forgive, pray, and partner with you in fulfilling God’s purpose.

And just as importantly: are you willing to be that person too?

Reflection

Marriage is beautiful.

It is God’s idea, and when done His way, it is a gift. But it is not for the fainthearted, nor is it a fix for loneliness. It is a covenant that demands maturity, selflessness, and a heart that has already surrendered to Christ.

So, as you desire marriage, ask yourself:

• Have I counted the cost?
• Am I prepared for sacrifice, not just celebration?
• Do I long for holiness more than for fairytales?

Friend, may your vision of marriage not be shaped by movies or Instagram reels, but by the cross of Christ. That’s where true love begins.

Prayer:

Lord, help me to see marriage as You see it. Teach me to desire not just the beauty, but the responsibility. Shape my heart in singleness so I can step into marriage prepared to love, serve, and reflect You.