How should we deal with criticism and feedback?

Are we all agreed that receiving feedback is one of the most nerve-wracking experiences? It hits you at your most vulnerable point, even worse when it’s far from complimentary.

Like most humans, we are likely to focus on the one negative feedback than the ninety-nine positives.

Just the other day, a friend of mine mentioned that my recent IG videos seemed forced, my laughter fake, and it looked like I was struggling.

I knew she meant well, and perhaps, she shared this feedback because I had also shared some feedback about her work, in the past.

Yet, it still hurt.

Not so much about her words but more about how her words revealed my concerns and heightened my discomfort about those IG reels. I had tried not to get bogged down by other people’s opinions of these and just focus on sharing my message, where I could.

But her words threw me off.

I couldn’t help but wonder:

“If my friend feels this way about my videos, they must have been awful.

I can’t even imagine what other people thought of them.”

 

Personally, I know those videos had not been forced, but I also know they hadn’t been as fluid as I would have liked. So, it may have come off as forced even though it was anything but.

While ruminating on her words and my feelings about these, I discovered a few things about giving and receiving feedback:

 

Five Lessons about giving and receiving feedback

 

1. When people give feedback, it’s not always reflective of you or your actions but more about them and the way they’ve interpreted those actions.

 

2. As humans, there is a tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily thinking about how it affects the other person.

 

3. There is almost no way to make negative feedback sound good —- no matter how you pepper it with platitudes and compliments. It may hurt a little less, but it will still hurt.

 

3. Where possible, don’t give unsolicited (negative) feedback. I think that’s just not cool. Not everyone is in the headspace to accept, acknowledge or even process your words.

 

4. Nothing is perfect. I repeat – nothing is perfect. Don’t let negative feedback stop you from creating and sharing your gifts with the world.

 

5. Be clear about one thing – the feedback is about what you’re doing or have done and not about who you are. The devil is always looking for ways to accuse and condemn us. He amplifies the negativity and tries to ascribe this to our identity.

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”

1 Peter 5:8

Your identity is in Christ – not in what you have done or not done. Don’t make room for fear or feelings of not being good enough! Your worth is found in Him. Our Lord reminds us that

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

John 10:10

I may struggle with doing IG reels or even speaking in front of a camera, but I’m not a bad daughter or Christian. More so, video editing and public speaking are skills I can learn.

There is room to improve but these things cannot define us. This distinction is key.

 

Looking beyond their feedback

I also hope you don’t focus on the fact that my friend said these things to me. I am grateful someone said something. I guess I had been too nervous to ask for feedback.

There’re probably a few more lessons from my experience but I’ll stop here.

What about you?

Have you had any painful feedback experiences or lessons from those experiences?

 

Please share in the comments.