How to control your tongue and why you should

Have you ever wondered how to control your tongue?

How to control your words and the things you say?

I don’t know about you but I often suffer from mouth diarrhea. I keep talking when I should have said little or nothing.

It often feels like my tongue has a life of its own and it just keeps going on and on and on…

You can probably relate.

We often mean well but find that our words cause more harm than good.

We talk too much, often say hurtful things, mean jokes, gossip, lie, and exaggerate the truth, flatter unnecessarily amongst many other things. 

At such moments, it seems impossible to reign in our tongues.

We may even feel that’s who we are and we can only go with the flow. There’s a popular quote that says:

“You can change your world by changing your words…remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Joel Osteen

 

Why we need to control our tongues

Can you imagine living a life where you could never control the words that leave your mouth?

Where you had no filter, no way to check if the words you are speaking are right, necessary, helpful, uplifting, or meaningful?

That would be scary, right?

It would certainly wreak havoc in our lives and those of others.

And this is why we need to learn to control what we say. It is our way of creating a check against negative thoughts and words.

The best part is that we can actually learn how to guard our tongue.

I will be the first to confess that it will not be easy but will certainly be worth it.

As someone who has promised to watch my words, I still frequently say silly, unnecessary, unhelpful, and insipid things.

I

Get

It

Wrong.

But I have not given up and neither should you. I find that these days, I am more likely to think before I speak, and I have seen it have such a wonderful effect on my life and those of others around me.

 

How can I control my tongue?

Controlling our tongues is about verbal control. It is about instilling discipline into this area of our life.

It’s about finding a better way to say the right things at the right time. And that starts when we can effectively control our tongues.

James says:

“If someone believes they have a relationship with God but fails to guard his words then his heart is drifting away and his religion is shallow and empty.”

James 1:26

Ouch!

James pulls no punches, he just says it as it is but we cannot deny the truth of his words.

The way we speak is integral to our Christian walk.

The Bible says ‘by their fruits you shall know them.’

Our fruits include the things we say and the things we do. They are a reflection of our thoughts and the state of our hearts.

During a personal study, I came across quite a few timeless lessons, many of which were from the Book of Proverbs.

I have shared below seven lessons, tips, instructions to help us take control of this area of our life.

I pray these tips are helpful and they bless and encourage you.

7 things the Bible says about controlling the tongue 

Here are seven life tips that are critical in learning to guard our tongues and speak the right way.

 

1. Listen more, speak less

This seems obvious enough but you can imagine how hard it is to listen to others and not feel the need to interject, to say our piece and be heard. Mark Goulston M.D., author of Just Listen says, “one reason some people are long-winded is that they’re trying to impress their conversational counterpart with how smart they are, often because they don’t actually feel that way underneath…”

There are many other reasons we talk too much, it may be because we are nervous, excited, proud, etc but the truth is that talking too much can often lead us to say more than we should, exaggerating truths, lying, amongst others.

It can also antagonize those listening to us.

The Book of James instructs Christians on this:

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.”

James 1:19

 

2. There is a right word for the right time

Many times, we say the right things at the wrong time and the wrong things at the right time. I am learning that there is a time for everything including when to speak and what to speak.

How do we know this?

By being sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

“The lips of the wise disperse knowledge [sifting it as chaff from the grain]; not so the minds and hearts of the self-confident and foolish.”

Proverbs 15:7(AMPC)

 

3. A gentle answer quells anger

Do you need to diffuse conflict or avoid undue confrontation? Then speak gently. Speak words that are seasoned with grace so as not to stir up anger.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 15:1

 

4. Avoid unwholesome and perverse talk. Speak life into others!

Have you realized how easy it is to gossip?

To talk about someone, especially when it’s someone you don’t like. Of course, you tell yourself that you are merely telling the truth or what you heard but it goes deeper.

Gossiping is almost like an addiction, it feels good at the moment but afterward, it leaves you empty and drained.

I know from experience (both as an active speaker and listener) that it leaves us hollow and if we don’t beat this, we may find ourselves going back, like that junkie, engaging in it out of fear and convenience.

But we must fight this.

“Without wood, a fire goes out; without a gossip, a quarrel dies down.”

Proverbs 21:23

Don’t gossip!

Speak words that edify, that encourage, that are filled with love and truth

“And never let ugly or hateful words come out from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them.”

Ephesians 4:29

 

5. Don’t say what you don’t mean

Flattery is so pervasive in today’s world. We are often encouraged to tell people what they want to hear, even when it is not true. But honesty is the best policy.

“A man who flatters his neighbour spreads a net for his own feet.”

Proverbs 29:5

“A lying tongue hates those it crushes and a flattering mouth works ruin.”

Proverbs 26:28

Say what you mean! Seek the truth, and speak the truth!

“The king is pleased with words from righteous lips; he loves those who speak honestly.”

Proverbs 16:13

 

6. What you feed your soul will be revealed by the tongue 

I have learned that the things we spend time on affect how we talk.

This includes books we read, movies the thoughts we entertain, and of course the company we keep. All of these affect us

“Jesus called the crowd to come and hear. “Listen,” he said, “and try to understand. “It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth…the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you.”

Matthew 15:10-11, 18

 

7. Silence is golden, you don’t always have to speak

My fellow ‘talkatives’, let’s gather here for a selfie! ? ?

I used to think I was quiet.

Wait! On a good day, I am quiet but when I get going it takes a lot to stop me. I feel like an inflated balloon that has just been let loose…it all has to come out.

But does it? Must we speak? Can we just stay still, enjoy the silence without the need to always talk?

I believe so.

“Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.”

Proverbs 10:19

“A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.”

Proverbs 17:27-28

 

The Power to control our tongue

There is an important proviso to all I have written up to this point:

‘We do not have the power to control our tongues.’

You’re probably thinking, “what does she mean? Why did she just share these seven tips if we can’t control our tongue?”

What I mean is this:

We cannot control our tendency to say the wrong things and use our tongue to tear down rather than build up. We cannot do it in our strength but God can.

But we can change the way we speak through the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives.

 

What do you say?

This may feel like a lot to remember but I hope you don’t get bogged down in the minutiae but remember the truth of our Christian journey – Jesus.

He has won the battle and we have been given a victorious life through His shed blood.

Sis, taking control of our words is not something we do from a place of fear or worry but from a place of victory knowing that He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world.

 

Our Prayer

Please could you join me in this prayer:

‘Lord, set a guard over my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips. Let my words be seasoned with grace and spoken at the right time. Help me understand that I have nothing to prove to anyone and I should never fear silence.’ In your glorious and precious name, Amen

(Taken from Psalm 141:3)