Three things to consider before becoming a Single Mother

 

There are two ‘relational’ prayer requests we single Christian women often make – to be married to a good man and to have children.

These requests have been largely unanswered for some of us, leaving us with an unquenchable desire further amplified by our ticking biological clocks.

In a bid to “salvage” the situation, some have gotten into bad relationships and marriages, while there are those who have gone the single motherhood path, choosing to have and take care of their own kids.

According to statistics, there are more single moms than ever before, with a considerable number of children being raised by single moms. While this is true, single motherhood comes in different shapes and sizes, for some it was a result of death, abuse, divorce, or lifestyle choices.

What about you?

Perhaps, you really want a child (even while single) and are considering your options – artificial insemination, surrogacy, adoption, or the most natural way – sex.

Before you finally decide, here are three important issues to consider:

 

1. Your Why

Why do you want to be a mother?

This may seem like a trivial question or one with an obvious answer, but it’s important that you’re able to articulate your reasons for wanting a child.

Don’t focus on what other people are saying or doing but on why it matters to you.

Personalize it.

An additional question is why now?

The desire to become a mother is honorable and good but it can be corrupted if we are motivated by the wrong things.

Is the longing from a place of unbearable pressure and expectations, or is it because you are getting older and believe God has forgotten you?

 

2. The Child

In many of the debates about single motherhood, we often forget the effect on the child or children.

It is important to consider what life will be like for a child in such a family unit.

Let’s put this perspective; Now that you hopefully know ‘your why,‘ would you still want to have a child?

More so, if you were put in the shoes of the child, would you want to come into the world under such circumstances?

I ask these questions because parents are merely stewards.

God is the ultimate father/mother to everyone, and the parent is one appointed by God to nurture and care for his children.

It’s a big responsibility.

Don’t do it out of fear or for selfish reasons.

 

3. Your Support System

There is that popular adage – “it takes a village to raise a child”.

In today’s world, this simply means you will need help. I like to think of help as resources, and there are three main ones:

1. Emotional dexterity – do we have the emotional maturity to handle motherhood? It is one thing to be a mother and quite another to be a committed and loving mother.
2. People – having family and friends to support us can be the difference between a blessed experience and a harrowing and frustrating one.
3. Money – raising a child is not a cheap venture. It costs money to cater to the basic and experiential needs of kids.

 

Should a single Christian woman become a mother?

I believe a single Christian woman has no business with single motherhood unless she believes this is God’s plan for her. There are countless stories of single Christian women who adopted many children and God supernaturally provided for them.

I have shared the powerful story of Gladys Alyward here.

God can lead us to single motherhood, and when he does, he provides the grace for this path.

And even where we go ahead without him, he will show mercy when we call on Him though we may still face some of the consequences of our decisions.

Dear sis, I pray that you submit this longing to God and allow Him to direct you in this area. Don’t seek to go it alone or for the wrong reasons. Hold on to His truth and believe he can do “…more than you can ask or imagine.”

Amen