Are you sending mixed signals?

Are you sending mixed signals, saying yes when you really mean no (and vice versa)?

Are you quick to deflect questions, giving non-committal answers?

You probably are…it has become much harder, than at any other time I can remember, at least in my 30 odd years on earth, to say something and stick with it.

This is even more obvious due to the dividing lines than pervade our generation. We say we are the most connected, living in an ultra-globalised world but if you pulled back the carpet of globalisation, and the internet, you would likely find wide ridges and holes ready to trip us up.

This is certainly so when it comes to many topical issues.

These days we hear a lot about diversity and the fact that ‘everyone’s voice should be heard. But that’s not the real message. At least, that is not the sense I get.

The underlying narrative is not really about diversity or about ending the world of discrimination, patriarchy and the host of other issues that come up.

The call to speak our minds, to air our opinions has become the biggest trick of all time. Why?

Because many times, the repercussions from what is said often undermine the fight to be heard.

It started innocently enough

When I scroll through social media or the news, I’m often inundated with stories of people who said or did something, which resulted in a public outcry, and demands for their blood.

The public outcry, if we can call it that, often leads to this ‘antagonist’ being blacklisted for the foreseeable future. In many such instances, they may lose their jobs, their friends and even their families.

Now, this is not a post promoting insensitivity nor am I proposing we get a blanket prescription to say what we like when we like.

Far from it.

The Bible is filled with many warnings about the power of the tongue and its ability to give or take life.

No, I’m talking about how we have, in many ways taken on the role of the judge and executioner in these public trials. We have deemed somethings acceptable and given almost no room for dissenting opinions.

History will tell us that this is not the first neither will it be the last time that a group takes on and enforces this role. At one time, it was the Roman Catholic Church that held sway on what was acceptable, dealing swiftly with dissenting opinions. There were other superpowers and authorities who forcefully policed their territories.

But I believe it is different this time around.

For one thing, it is a digital battle, and it is the public or the ‘collective’ who determine what happens. It is this public that dictates our actions.

You may be wondering where I am going with this (I am also wondering myself). But I can surmise that the unforgiving nature of the social media world has probably led to people living double lives, more so than in the recent past.

You can often sense how careful and inauthentic most conversations are.

You meet people who seem to agree with everything you say even if it’s balderdash. You are also expected to do likewise… though, whatever is said must also fall within the ‘acceptable topical issues’ – climate change, gay rights, feminist sentiments, black rights, “diversity” etc. More importantly, you must be in support of all.

“Did you see the 12year old marching for pride month? So cool. I’m also going to get a flag, we need to celebrate the LGBTQIA community!” they say, looking intently at you.  You nod, smile and applaud their courage and their voice for change.

“How can people not care about the environment, how dare they use plastic?” they say to you, and you nod again, even though you still know people who can barely eat two meals a day and are aware that use of plastic is not the priority for many.

It is also interesting to note that the support for some of these causes are often cosmetic, it’s more about being perceived as in ‘the know’ than actually knowing. For instance, wearing a BLM(Black Lives Matter) t-shirt, even if you are not ready to face the privileges that exacerbate the issue.

Are things different for Christians?

You may say that this is not really the case for Christians, and I would partly agree. For one thing, the conversations I was referring to above cut across religions, geographical locations and in some ways ‘class’. It has somehow achieved unprecedented coverage. But then again, I also appreciate that there are Christian circles that don’t hold to some of these ‘accepted positions.’

But the real point is not really about what is said but about how the current atmosphere around the world is ‘doctoring’ what people actually say.

And this is applicable to us as Christians.

How willing are we to allow someone share or air opinions that don’t jive with ours?

If someone were to tell you that you don’t need to attend church as a Christian, how would you respond? What if they told you they don’t have any issues with abortion? Or some other area which you feel very strongly about…

At the beginning of this post, I asked you a simple, though vague question. I asked you if you were sending mixed signals?

Perhaps, you had a different understanding of the question. You may have thought the question had something to do with relationships and giving men mixed signals. If that was the case, then I apologize for rambling. But you’re not wrong. This question applies to relationships, but it is much wider and more pertinent than who we date or marry.

It is about who we are and what we truly stand for.

I realised how troubling things had become when I joined a group of smart young people from different parts of the world. One thing I realised about the group was that many of the people often sounded the same.

No, not in the tone of their voice or the words used but in what they said. Even though they were mostly from different countries and had lived distinct life experiences, I saw the same themes running through the conversations.

At first, I thought it was a coincidence but I’m finding that it isn’t. Just the other day, a member had a different opinion on a matter and had to apologise profusely before he shared his opinion. I couldn’t deny that it was brave of him but I was troubled that he had to jump through hoops to ‘speak his mind’.

Can this really be okay? Are we moving towards a polarised rather than unified world?

There is no doubt that my musings are anecdotal, and I may need to search for ‘real’ evidence but these observations cannot simply be wished away.

 

What signals are we giving?

Are we in an era of a global groupthink?

Could it be that there has been a subtle re-orientation going on which we have not been privy to? Perhaps, the internet has been and continues to be used as weapon to re-orientate the youth to a way of thinking.

We often say that movies and music are powerful forces of ‘naturalisation’ – making things on the fringe seem normal (my definition). We saw that with the evolution of sexuality and violence but I believe it is so much deeper.

What we say matters because, in many ways, it is what determines if we are allowed to remain in the clique, where we are safe, unoriginal, and accepted.

It has become more dangerous than before to stray because those who hold the reins are unforgiving. We chant – a better world, compassion, ‘speaking your truth’ – but you quickly learn that these are not generalised but specific to those who hold the reins, those whom we must follow – many go by different names, some may be “influencers”, “political entrepreneurs”, SM heros etc.

It’s become harder to stand, truly stand for what we believe is true when it is at odds with others because we know what will follow – hateful comments, stalkers, blacklisting and in the worst-case internet death.  

Perhaps, you’ve met a man but the things he says or wants are so different from what you know and want to believe. In your fear of offending, you give mixed signals, saying yes, never really saying how you feel and somehow hoping that it will work out.

I don’t know that that ever works.

I don’t know that being hazy and vague ever works for us. Perhaps in the short term, but what happens when you get married?

Or where the boss at your new job tells you to do something that is against your values because everyone is doing it? How do you respond when your new friends live a totally different way of life and keep wondering why you’re hung up about sex and your body?

 

What signal should we give?

Perhaps, I am asking questions that can never be fully answered. Or maybe I’m delving into an area I don’t know enough about.

But there are a few things I believe and will continue to believe, God being my helper:

• My definition of what is right or wrong must always be attuned to God’s truth as revealed by the Holy Spirit (this is not about reading the Bible but allowing the Holy Spirit reveal the Bible)

 

• True compassion is not a slogan but a way of life. It comes alive through empathy and unconditional forgiveness

 

• I have nothing to prove. Not to myself or to anyone else.

 

• Speaking truth to power many times starts with silence. Not of fear but of wisdom

 

• Being ‘accepted’ in the short term  may lead to long term fear, frustration and pain.

 

What about you? What do you believe and what do you wish to hold on to?