Are you addicted to romance?

I think we need to start off with some honesty.

Are you addicted to romance?

Are you mesmerized by the tingling feeling when the guy gets the girl and true love wins? Are you hung up on the feel-good moments, the happy tears that flow and the dreams of happily ever afters?

You know what I’m talking about…the Hallmark movies, the mills and boons. And when we want wholesome versions we go for the Francine Rivers (Redeeming love?), Dee Henderson and Karen Kingsbury.

And in our daredevil moments, we dabble in some fifty shades…?

This is not forgetting the motherlode – songs – sexy, sensual, romantic love songs.

There is so much out there to keep us coming back for another hit.

Yep! It’s a thing.

The romance genre is still one of the most profitable in the market. Every year, hundreds of movies, books and songs are released and added to the existing pile of the sweet stuff.

In 2018, 9.18 million romance books were sold in the US alone (out of 20.4 million in the fiction market)

We may tell ourselves a lot of it is make-believe, but then we are back with starry eyes, engrossed in the conflict and praying passionately that the protagonists, in whom we have invested our time, do not miss each other.

For many years, Julia Roberts was my favourite (she probably still is) actress because of her role in Pretty woman and a few other movies.

Raise your hand if you loved Pretty Woman!

It was the ultimate love story.

The fact that she was a prostitute was easily forgotten and the impossibility of the story added a thrilling fantasy to the movie.

How could you not want Edward and Vivian to end up together? It was clear that they were made for each other.

That’s just one of so many “lovely” romantic stuff I consumed over the years.

I was an addict and I didn’t care.

It took me years to take off the rose-tinted glasses that were stuck on my nose. I had to use heavy-duty pliers to lift then off, taking a slice of skin with it. It hurt but was necessary because I had become a participant in the make-believe and not so much in my reality.

And I’m not the only one.

The most frequent requests I get on this blog are on sex and relationships. So many women are trying to figure out how to navigate this area of their lives.

It’s sad to say that many times we want to get tips, tricks and advice that will allow us ‘eat our cake and have it’, basically making our daydreams a reality.

It may also be the bad boy syndrome – we want the bad boy but pray that he will somehow change his ways when he’s with us.

We want a lot of excitement, romance, outrageous gifts and of course, a handsome beau wouldn’t hurt.

In more ways than not, we want Hollywood.

We are willing to do what it takes to keep the man but we also want to serve God.

Deep down we know we have divided interests but we are not ready to make the hard and often painful decision.

We want it all and we deserve to have it, right?

Wrong.

A few years ago, I had to ask myself a few hard questions:

1. Why do I want to get married?

2. Why am I worried about being single?

3. Am I willing to go against what God wants just so I can marry?

4. Am I serving God just so he gives me what I want?

Perhaps you have asked yourself similar questions or you’re afraid to.

It took me a while to answer the above questions but I believe they were the beginning of my freedom. Freedom from expectations and longings that were not aligned to God’s plan for me.

For many of us, we want to live as Christians but date as the world does. We are caught up in a romantic love that is about feeling good and getting special, princess level treatment from our man. We want the whole nine yards and a few more for good measure.

And the truth is that a godly marriage can sizzle, bubble and explode with love and passion. But I believe the foundation of the journey matters.

Where is God in it all?

Do we let him have his rightful place? Or do we push him to the side and only remember him when things go wrong?

I ask this because I know I have been guilty.

Over the last few years, I had to lay down my desire for marriage at God’s feet. Does this mean I no longer want to marry?

I do but I’ve realised that this area of my life, like every other area and desire, must be subject to the King.

I don’t want to marry on my own terms but on God’s.

He alone knows the future. He knows the heart of man. He knows my weaknesses and those of the people around me. Rather than trying to figure out who is a good man, who will be a good husband, I trust and obey the leading of the Holy Spirit.

And it has been such an incredible journey.

I have allowed his peace to fill my heart and life. I have stopped worrying about what people say, even when I’m invited to the umpteenth bridal or a baby shower.

It’s so good to be happy for others. To join them in their celebrations without any resentment or pain.

I don’t know who needs to read this or remember these words but I pray you let go of this area of your life and give it to God.

Stop trying to force things…you can’t change anyone!

We need to truly let go and let God do what only he can do.

I know this is not an easy thing to do. Especially when that desire is so strong and it keeps you up at night with tears streaming down your face.

Sis, God sees…

Don’t be ashamed of these feelings but don’t let them take over.

We have an advocate who is willing and able to help us.

While we want our own love story, rather than looking to Hollywood and social media to craft the characters and their roles, why not look to God, the greatest storyteller there ever was.

Allow him to write your love story and know that in his hands, it will be the greatest story ever told.

For an incredible story about how intentional God is with our relational life, check out this book by Eric and Leslie Ludy, ‘When God writes your love story.’ I have met this couple and I absolutely love them. Their story is so encouraging and inspiring.

Do reach out if you’d like to talk. If you know a lady who needs to hear this, please forward this post to her. ??