10 Things I learned in my 34th year

I turned 34 this month, which officially means I’m now in my mid-thirties. It feels like just yesterday that I celebrated my 30^th birthday but then again so much has happened in the last four years that I’m better off calling it a lifetime ago.

You may be wondering why I mentioned my age, and my reason is simple; I decided years ago, that my age would never be a cause for shame. It will not be something I will need to hide or keep a secret but simply a part of my life, like my hair and my dark skin (more like chocolate caramel..lol), it is part of the little and big things that make me Chioma Oparadike.

Okay, enough of the melodrama, here are 10 incredible lessons I learned in my 34^th year.

1. There’s a maturity that comes with age and there’s a maturity that comes with learning/exposure.

In the last few decades, I have had all sorts of experiences and weathered quite a few storms, because of these, I can rightfully say I am more mature and have grown a tougher skin.

But this wouldn’t be the full story.

The real growth and true maturity happened from understanding the lessons from my experiences.

It would have been a waste of living through them if I didn’t understand the purpose or lessons from them.

Now I know no one thing can ruin our lives, no matter how bad, but it can change the course of our life and it is up to us to choose how these experiences affect us.

No matter what it is – the death of loved ones, financial loss, break ups, abortions, single parenthood, sexual abuse, discrimination, prison sentences, etc. all these are phases and seasons of life.

 

2. Living healthy is not just a fad but a necessity

I have learned, probably the hard way that living healthy is an important part of making the most of my life. This is not about weight loss but about treating my body well. Being slim cannot be the objective but a by-product of healthfulness.

To live a healthy life, I need to understand how my body works, find out what it needs to replenish itself and reduce the chances of diseases and burnout.

Over the last year, I have had to change my diet and mindset about food. I am still a work-in-progress (the thought of exercise still gives me the heebie-jeebies), but I have certainly learned a lot.

1. 3. Defining work as a job or duty where I have to be paid misses the mark

Recently, I had to rethink what I call work.

Now, I define work as tasks or responsibilities that require my time and effort – volunteering, domestic tasks and community initiatives/responsibilities all count as work.

I no longer feel shy about telling people what I do even if it doesn’t fit into their idea of work.

I believe in the dignity of labor, whatever my labor at any given point may be.

This also means that anything worth doing should be done well as unto the Lord who is our supreme employer.

 

4. It is up to me to determine what part money plays in my life

I have learned that financial challenges should not dictate my attitude and how I relate with other people.

This was particularly glaring when I realized that my countenance often correlated with the size of my account. I was often happy and spent indiscriminately when buoyant and melancholic/reticent in my seasons of lack.

Thank God for showing me the state of my heart and teaching me that my financial health should not have such a hold on me.

These days, I choose to remain joyful, generous, loving, etc(including with those who may be owing me) despite the state of my account and opportunities on the horizon.

 

5. They say beauty is skin deep but I believe it is heart deep

Beauty is not just about how I look but how I feel about how I look. The real battle starts in the mind.

It starts with breaking down unfair expectations I have of myself and others, deconstructing things I have been told – how to look, dress, talk amongst others.

The biggest lessons have been on trust and contentment. Trusting that what God says about me is true and being content with his own definition rather than what the world says. See Genesis 1:26-28, Psalm 139, Jeremiah 29:11

I am made in the image and likeness of a glorious God. That trumps every other description and metric.

I am currently on a no-makeup journey and it has been so freeing. I also carry my natural hair and I love it! Of course, there are difficult days. Days when society tells me I’m not up to par because I have not done things Its way.

In those moments, I remember that I chose.

I chose freedom from another’s definition of how I look. I chose to obey God’s call to let go of the need to look a certain way.

I chose to allow my substance to shine from within, from the heart He is lovingly working on.

To allow the light He has poured inside of me to illuminate Him wherever I go. I pray I remain committed to all He wants of me no matter what I face.

 

6. Knowing who you are will help you determine what you stand for

Knowing my identity and finding my place has been the most instrumental thing that has happened to me in the last few years.

For a long time, I felt out of place; too different, misunderstood and a whole lot of adjectives. Not knowing whom I was often meant I was inconsistent with what I stood for.

There were times I felt I had to follow the crowd, do things their way and times when I wanted to go against the grain just to be different.

But understanding my identity as God’s beloved, as a daughter of the Most-High changed my need to impress and doused the pressure to conform.

While I had always been told I was God’s child, this time around, there was a difference. It was no longer head knowledge but also heart knowledge.

 

7. Family is not everything but it is close

Family is not everything, God is.

I have learned that I cannot pledge total allegiance to my family. After all, they are made up of imperfect humans who have a tendency to be selfish, irrational and unreasonable just like me.

It is my duty and a privilege to love and serve them but this cannot go beyond the bounds of what God has called me to.

There will be periods of friction and even conflict but these can help us serve better and love harder. The family here is not restricted to my blood relatives but to the people God has placed in my path – neighbors, colleagues, friends, church members, etc.

 

8. Marriage is about God not about my feelings, children or family legacies.

As I have grown spiritually, I have seen God chip away some of my long-held beliefs about marriage.

I used to believe it was about finding a good Christian man (who is also handsome and smart…Lol) and settling down. Now I know this is the basest level of this important institution.

Marriage is an expression of God’s love for humanity. It is a gift.

Through it, God brings two people together for the propagation of his kingdom.

Marriage is not a better state but another avenue for the world to see God. It is God’s way of showing the world His sacrificial love. This is often contrary to how we see marriage, including in the church.

I’ve had many Christians trouble and question me about my marital status, including church leaders and pastors.

Thank God for helping me deflate this pressure.

I now know that getting married is not the key to my joy and happiness.

God is and He alone determines which path He needs me on to achieve his plans for my life. He is the best matchmaker and Mr. Romantic. He knows what I need and who I need in each season of life.

This has changed my mindset and has moved my focus. Whether married or single, what truly matters is doing what God wants for me.

 

9. Good Friendships are not in words but in thoughts, words, and deeds.

There is the proverb, which says ‘he who wants friends must himself be friendly’. I will take it a step further, he who wants to be Christ-like must himself be loving, compassionate, kind, generous, which are attributes of great friends.

I was often a good friend in words but didn’t follow through with my actions. I did good when it was convenient, often putting my need for privacy/my own space before my relationships. Hiding away in my corner when I could have been sharing God’s love with those around me.

This includes praying with and for friends, telling them what they need to hear not what they want to hear and lovingly holding them accountable to their dreams and decisions.

 

10. I only have one purpose in and for life

New age advice and preoccupations often revolve around people finding and pursuing their passions/dreams.

There are countless blogs, books and even podcasts on this topic.

We are told this is the key to joy and fulfillment. And they are kinda right but many times these passion and purpose point to things, interests which end up becoming duties and responsibilities to fulfill.

For one thing, I used to think my purpose was to help and work with women. It was a burden I carried for a long time and something that had given my life meaning but I soon found out that it wasn’t enough.

This year, God helped me answer the question of purpose and I finally understood what it had been all along.

My purpose in life is simple:

TO KNOW GOD AND MAKE HIM KNOWN

The best part is that God determines the avenues through which I live out His plans. My part is to remain in close communion with Him and obey His will even when it is the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

Closing thoughts

I am so glad I got a chance to share these lessons with you.

During the past year of learning, I would often push against the truth because some of these lessons looked bitter and unappealing at the start but when I finally surrendered to the headship and teachings of the Holy Spirit, I saw them for what they were…intentional words from a loving father.

I have seen Him break down my walls, build me up and sustain me. And even when I struggle to live right, he is right there urging me to test all things, to hold on to what is good and to do away with every evil.

 

I am truly grateful for another year.

 

Happy birthday to me.